Nixdminx
The life and times of a happy go lucky blogger in London
Its' Sextucation Month at School
Categories: funny, lifestyle, London

Since last term, there’s been quite a build up to the S-E-X Education lessons for Year 4.  I’ve tried to explain a few things to Miniminx, but she’s tended to cover her ears and gawp in horror for most of it.

From the beginning of this term there’s been a change of attitude, Miniminx has been determined to be ‘cool’ about Sextucation, even though she hasn’t quite been able to separate the words yet as a way of avoiding saying the S word. In fact, cool has become emboldened into curiosity and she’s got a bit too bolshy for my liking, saying it’s time she started watching Sex and the City so she can learn about ‘it’! (Samantha’s antics are just too graphic – it’s non negotiable, it’s banned).

So Lesson 1 in Sexducation has been a source of much amusement in our household this week.  I know, I know, sex shouldn’t be a laughing matter but if you put 30 eight your olds in a class room and give them pictures of a naked male and female and ask them to label parts of the body, it’s going to be a recipe for hilarity.

I thought it best to wait until Miniminx decided she wanted to talk about it, but frankly, she couldn’t stop, she was holding back the laughter from the moment I picked her up from school. Having done the usual afterschool routine (in no particular order) homework, telly, dinner, bath and bed, it was time for story reading, but I could tell she was desperate to chat,

‘Mum can we talk about the Sexctucation lesson today?’  she asked, looking very impish.
‘Yes of course we can, tell me all about it’
‘Well, we had to label pictures of men and women with no clothes on!’
‘Oh, so what did you put and where?’
‘Um, privates, privates and the B-word’ she said
‘What’s the B-word’
‘I can’t say’
‘Boobies?’
‘No’
‘Boobs?’
‘no’
‘Bazonkers??’
‘No.’ and a very hushed whisper in my ear…’Breasts’
‘Oh, okay, that’s very grown up.’  Phew I thought, thank god for that, I thought she was going to say bollocks.

So, we go through that part with barely a snigger but by now, I know she’s dying to tell me what really happened and we both start lip pursing to suppress a giggle.

‘Well done bunny, so (ha hum, ha, cough, cough) what did everyone else write on the pictures? That must have been quite funny.’
‘Yeah Mum it was, it was REALLY funny. Some people wrote bits, and fanny, and boobies and willy!,’ by now the laughter is really kicking in, ‘and…BOBS! Someone spelt boobs wrong, so they wrote bobs. BOBS INSTEAD OF BOOBIES, BOBS, HE SPELT IT WRONG!’
By that point we both start laughing like hyenas, and every time we stop, Miniminx shouts ‘BITS and BOBS, FANNY, BITS AND BOBS!!!’ and we’re off shrieking again.

So there you have it, a lesson she’ll never forget (neither will I) and now we call ‘it’ fanny, bits and bobs…

But of course, kids are very creative and Miniminx tells me on the way home yesterday that they’ve got a new thing in class, ‘Mum, we don’t say S-E-X anymore, it’s Seban Eats Xylophones.’

‘Who’s Seban?’
‘A boy in my class’

Poor kid I think…(!)

If that doesn’t get you laughing, I’ll give you £10 if you can watch this and keep a straight face

and a shamrock if this doesn’t work either

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13 Comments to “Its' Sextucation Month at School”

  1. You. Are. Too. Funny!

    Can I post this on Londonmumsblog?

  2. Jo Beaufoix says:

    Hee hee. I have an 8 year old and a 4 year old so this has given me a heads up as to what’s coming this year. A couple of years ago when I was talking with some friends about what we teach them to call their bits Miss E announced that girls had a vagina and boys had a penis and some googlies. It was so funny. It’s a great age isn’t it? They’re getting a bit sarky and funny but the hormones haven’t hit yet and turned them scary. :D

  3. writeonmum says:

    Hi Nixdminx. How funny! I’m sure my 8 year old is on a mission to find the most ‘private part’ names she can. Her latest is her brother’s willy which she now calls a dinklelyla and her own bits are named ‘hey nonny nonny!’ Mind boggles really.

  4. Well it was most definitely the boobs story that did it for me and the Spike Milligan clip finished me off. LOL :-D

  5. Fantastic! I’ve found your blog via the Carnival, and can’t wait to browse your archives…

    I promise I’m not spamming, but I did blog about my own dilemma over what to call my daughters’ bits – maybe you could suggest something?!

    http://morethanjustamother.blogspot.com/search/label/what%20to%20call%20my%20daughters%27%20bits

  6. holly says:

    tonight, i had tell my daughter she probably shouldn’t mention the phrase ‘like a virgin’ on a video we’re preparing.

    “why not, i say virgin mary”

    “do you know what a virgin is?”

    “no. i think if i can say virgin mary, i should be allowed to know what a virgin is.”

    “that’s fair enough.” i say, as we are entering tesco. “um…hmm..”

    “is it a woman who has a baby when she’s not married?”

    “uh, yeah, that’s it.”

    i was quite tired at the time, and i now realize i really need to go back and clarify that. for my 9yo.

  7. Coding Mamma says:

    Very funny! Love the ‘bits and bobs’!

  8. nixdminx says:

    Yes, it’s all very much at the ugh stage and after the initial wow factor, the whole class is dreading having to watch a baby being born, that’s enough to put them off for a good ten years!

  9. nixdminx says:

    we spent yesterday in the snow as school was shut and all the girls were really happy they didn’t have to go to school and watch the ‘giving birth video’…

  10. nixdminx says:

    Oh my god, I just realised this is you! What a der I am. The mind definitely boggles and I’m still trying to find the right names myself!!

  11. nixdminx says:

    Good old Spike, there’s a great clip of the Irish Spaceship I must post….

  12. nixdminx says:

    Hello there – isn’t this great? I feel honoured to be part of the Carnival – I’ve read the all the posts and they are amazing – I have to admit to feeling very moved (I shed a tear at a couple) and uplifted – it’s very inspiring, your blog makes me laugh!! Going back to work is surreal but I have to say, enjoy!!

  13. nixdminx says:

    oh my word – that’s funny – what do you tell her about songs like Sexy Back, Sex You Up then? And has she made the link between Like a Virgin and Papa Don’t Preach…? Please let me know how you get out of this one…

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