The life and times of a happy go lucky blogger in London
Zen and the Art of Unemployment
Categories: funny, London, shopping

Being out of work is any oxymoron – I’m am actually working very hard to get a job even though the KPIs below amount to failure. Maybe I should just do nothing…and wait

A year ago this would have been an adventure and I would have had  five or so face to face interviews by now and maybe two serious offers on the table but it’s no longer a job seekers’ market.

My efforts are not to be sniffed at, I haven’t succumbed to daytime TV and microwave lunches just quite yet but hey ho, it goes like this;

Hours spent trawling the web for jobs = 280

Registrations on job sites = 6

Paid subscriptions to job sites = 1

Recruiter meetings = 5

CV submissions = 15

CV re-edits = 6

CV rejections = 2

Non acknowledgment of CV submissions = 4

Jobs that have evaporated due to the credit crunch before I even put a foot through the door = 2

Job interviews = 0

Interviews that are still in the pipeline = 2

Oh, I know it looks really bad on paper. But it only takes one job to come up trumps doesn’t it?

There’s a massive flipside to unemployment (apart from lie ins, daytime drinking, no commutes etc.)  It is not have to spend time with people you just wouldn’t hang out with under any other circumstances.  Workmates are just heinous at times – all that gnashing of teeth, loose eyes in head and frothing of the mouth, and that’s just me.

I know they don’t mean it but there’s loads of plain old crap that you suffer daily in the corporate office environment that you just wouldn’t bloody tolerate don’t get at home (unless you’re in Downing Street or the Whitehouse)…and there’s a lot to be said for swapping the at-work-alpha for the out-of-work-omega status.

Zero is the new hero for me as I realise that my work angst is nil.

Here goes, all those jaw clenching petty things that I no longer have to put up with;

  1. The silent farters – you know who you are! – 0
  2. ‘Does my life amount to this moments’ = 0
  3. ‘URGENT’ work calls during home/sick/holiday/weekend-time = 0
  4. ‘Are you REALLY sick?’ phone calls from unconcerned revenue/deadline driven colleagues = 0
  5. Snide, snitchy, backbiting comments from septic single work ‘mates’ = 0
  6. The ‘I found your idea and made it mine so I get a promotion and you don’t’ = 0
  7. Unwelcome advances from drunken executives at work functions = 0
  8. The ‘Sorry mate but I dumped you in it on a Friday night at 5pm – I’m off for a stag weekend’ = 0
  9. Infuriating, desk sharing nose-picking, nail-biting toetappers = 0
  10. Smokers who come back to their desks humming with the smell of fags/frantic Nicorette guzzling
    addicts = 0
  11. ‘Oops I just shared that drunken photo of you to 2,000 people’, can I recall the email? = 0
  12. The ‘I’m going to make you look SOOOO bad’ triple cc emails chasing you for a deadline you ‘supposedly’ missed but the cow colleague has just not read your email from three days ago
  13. Snickering gimps on instant message who NEVER turn off the high pitched alert
  14. Four word emails on crackberrys
  15. The ‘I know you’re on holiday but if you’re reading emails, can you just ….’

But the thing is, these are the things things that make the world go round in working life, so now I’ve had a break, let me at ‘em!

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2 Comments to “Zen and the Art of Unemployment”

  1. I’m sure your work situation won’t remain like that for long. I’d make the most of the occasional lie-in if I were you!

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