The life and times of a happy go lucky blogger in London
Confessions of a Nomestic Godess

If you can’t quite get the slant on my little pun, well let me explain. I may be able to cook and sew, change a fuse and put up shelves but when it comes to day to day drudgery barefoot in the kitchen streamlined housekeeping I’m severely lacking. I think Nomestic is the new nom de plum of the domestically challenged like myself.

Throughout the Summer I had great plans to overhaul my life – to really make the back bedroom a fabulous walk in wardrobe instead of a dumping ground, to go through all my paperwork and get on top of things. But I confess, there was rose to be drunk – barbecues to be cooked, Summer was just too much fun and sadly, being the child of chaos that I am, I’ve obviously not done it at all. .

After two days of enforced rest with suspected wine swine flu, I decided it was high time to streamline a few things, be a bit more orderly and grow up….

In fact, I have surpassed myself and outsourced the whole lot. I kid you not.

I had to – I mean really had to. You see there is nothing worse than having no food in the house is there, especially when you have a growing child who is constantly hungry – I mean hollow legs is her middle name. Or waking up to no milk for the essential morning cuppa (I can’t function without at least two massive mugs of tea before I leave the house) and the bowl or five of cereal that Miniminx quaffs.

Then, while trying to get myself ready for work, even worse, finding not only the cupboards and fridge bare, but also the wardrobe and I’m rummaging around to find something in a reasonable state to wear when most of my clothes have been hung up on the floor. It just can’t go on.

Yes, I’m a slacker, and that’s why I work. I would make such a bad, bad housewife that it terrifies me and everyone else around me at just the thought. People have seen me hoover and taken the damned thing off me – they even shout ‘You don’t know what you’re doing!’ Imagine that would you? Do you know how it feels to be so perplexing without even trying? It’s embarrassing. And as for washing up, my friends who have seen me in action just smile glibly when I offer to muck in at their houses – as if I’ve offered to straighten their teeth manually.

I’m the kind of person that uses every pot and pan in the house to cook a meal and takes childish delight in moving me and my delightful mess around with me everywhere I go. A total and utter clutter nutter. It’s just the way I am and I decided to get professional help.

So here goes, here’s my 4 Step Programme for Nomestic Godesses and believe you me, it’s working:

Step 1 Fresh Food
Abel&Cole are now taking care of fruit and veg intake (oh and nice organic wine and lots of other sumptuous things) and delivering to my front door weekly – all packaging recycled weekly (no plastic either)

Step 2 Milk, Milk, Milk
Who would have thought that I would find a man called Dean who would drop by my house every so often and make sure I could have a nice cuppa every day. Well I have, by some chance google search, I found Dairy Crest online so now have a milkman who delivers organic milk three times a week and juice too. And no packaging – just give it all back when it’s finished and the bin stays empty!

Step 3 Clean Clothes and Bed Linen
No more dragging sacks of clothes around or wrestling with king size duvet covers and sheets – there’s a new and very reasonably priced laundry and dry cleaning company Wilton Green which picks up and delivers. They even did loads of stuff for free on my first order. I absolutely love them – they even put my clothes on my favourite wooden hangers so none of that annoying dry cleaner hanger stuff any more (and the bin stays empty again).

Step 4 Clean House
I hate mess, it depresses me, and once every few months I go into a zen like trance and clean the house from top to bottom but it’s only for the novelty. Imagine my delight when I got a text from my cleaner. Oh yippe yay she is back in business after a stint selling kitchens that didn’t quite work out…so I’m making use of her as much as I can and the house is clean and sparkly.

And what’s next? Ooh, lets have a declutter. Or maybe I’ll just bag everything up and shove it in the back bedroom…

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6 Comments to “Confessions of a Nomestic Godess”

  1. Oh, to have a cleaner! But first I would ned to devise a system so that the things that clutter actually have homes to go to. And then I would need to shift things round a bit so a cleaner had somewhere to put her (is it always her????) feet, oh and then I would need to get a proper job…
    .-= HalfMumHalfBiscuit´s last blog ..‘Too-good’ children =-.

  2. I think I win the nomestic goddess stakes after taking a year to realise that the thing under the stairs that I thought was part of a coffee machine was in fact part of the hoover….

    Obviously had to blog about it:

    Hope you are feeling better now. x
    .-= Brit in Bosnia´s last blog ..A depressing coffee =-.

  3. Potty Mummy says:

    You’ve inspired me. I had been planning on putting off the first sweep of my wardrobe pre-Russia move until tomorrow / sometime /never, but I am going to go and start it NOW!

    I shall send the charity shops in your direction when they complain about the godawful tat I dump on them later…
    .-= Potty Mummy´s last blog ..Reality Check =-.

  4. I am not a big fan, and cleaner is on the wanted list once I can afford one.
    .-= SingleParentDad´s last blog ..Major rebuild =-.

    • admin says:

      In my typical style I work out that 3 hours cleaning is nearly half a day and now I have that time free. Plus she also baby sits. Plus you know, there’s no one else to do it is there? It’s money well spent. Need any more persuading ;-)

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