Sometimes, we are all on the verge. Of something new, perhaps a love affair, perhaps something really exciting or sometimes, just the inevitable – you know, like boredom and existential angst.
It’s been two years since I headed out on the road to seek my career nirvana. I
couldn’t look in the mirror any longer happily left the mad, bad world of London media agency life in search of something, a lot less disturbing more fulfilling. It was a great job, it played to my strengths, it made me money, I had security. But yes, you guessed, I was miserable…it wasn’t me.
Hmmm – so what’s happened in the last two years?
Quite a lot.
Including six months out of the rat race and amazingly, a complete overhaul in my life and what I do, not just professionally but how I live my life.
How so? In a typical example of sod’s law, after a year of holding out for my new job and direction, I’d just about found ‘the one’ – the job I’d really wanted, the one I’d worked hard to get, sweated over, put in the extra hours for and was proffered on a silver platter, until, well you know the Lehman brothers kicked off the credit crunch and well, that was it. I got my P45 as an extra added bonus from the Postman last Christmas.
One peek at the newspapers and the general feeling of financial malaise the world was suffering from, I decided I was just had very little choice and was going to be out of work for at least a year or so. I would have to conjure up something to keep myself occupied between the morning and afternoon trips to the school gate.
I packed my designer wardrobe away, dug out my jeans and instead of tuning in to daytime TV, I turned to writing and created this blog. Christmas was on the way, I had bad flu and I was feeling in a very humbuggered mood.
As I entered into the fray I had no idea what I was getting in to.
I mean, I’d blogged professionally – always on message, always in line, quite prim and proper and ‘on the bus’.
But as for personally?
Oh the fear / phobia / paranoia / shame – surely I’d be ruined in seconds if I did, I’d never work again would I?
But after the credit crunch, I got the feeling that I had nothing to lose and, girl that I am, I love to experiment and it felt like a good time.
You see, while I’d heard of inner sanctum of blogging and real bloggers, I never considered myself part of that world. I worked in media alongside people who had also ‘heard of blogging and real bloggers’, who they spoke about in hushed tones to peers, clients and other respected individuals. The bloggers who I met and worked with were all actually pretty savvy media types too. They weren’t really that real.
Armed with all these hang ups, I thought anonymity would be my armour. Out of nowhere I found my nom de plume. Nixed Minx – the one that got the short straw….the one who always seems to have it just out of her grasp. Not quite the loser but actually pretty lost. And I was. Lost for words, lost for work and suddenly lost for something to do and looking at lots of free time.
Hmmm, why not have a look on the other side of the fence I thought? Check out all these new sparkly toys online.
So while people maybe accused of disappearing
up their own arses into cyber space, it’s hardly the case. With nothing to lose, I just jumped straight in to blogging about my life and times and found a way to get through the dark days of joblessness in the absolute cutting edge of the credit crunch.
What did I find on my journey?
Are robots reading my blog and guffawing in the manner of the Robots off the old Smash adverts?
I hope so, but they’re not.
Am I conversing with strange people who live in Second Life?
Heavens, no, you must know me better than that by now…
Have I met a man on death row and run off to Texas to marry him, leaving my daughter to fend for herself?
But there are some really great things that have happened.
While I don’t show off at parties, I don’t compare handbags and I don’t show off expensive jewellery, I do observe and I do love telling stories.
And I found a voice.
And I found several hundred other voices too.
Ones that resonate – and I’ve even got to know some of these people beyond the blogosphere.
Real living breathing people.
It’s been a fun journey and it’s brought with it many companions. It’s lifted my spirits, made me laugh out loud, and sob on the odd occasion, but generally there’s been a warm fuzzy love-in around the whole environment. It’s even got me some great work.
Okay, I have to admit, I’m a little bit nerdier, but the sense of achievement from creating something out of nothing is immense, it’s huge in fact. It’s not just the writing or the photography, it’s getting to grips with all the back end stuff. After three months of blogging as my ‘out of work’ job, I became a self professed blog ninja. And here’s the thing; no IT department, no one on the end of the phone, just a curiosity and a desire to fit it all together. I can’t say it’s been easy but it’s definitely been worth the effort and the hassle and the late nights.
So where is this going?
There has to be a down side non?
Well, a few weeks ago, there was a bit of a malarkey in the mumosphere – someone had written another Mummy bloggers story and, as we all live in the world of reality, even a newspaper gets trolled in the comments section. I’d never seen anything quite like it.
I read through the comments on the piece and found that some troll was single handedly stabbing every Mummy blogger through the comment trail. I considered the tone, the sentiment, the hurt and tears that were probably shed at the kitchen table by some of the bloggers and I felt powerless.
For the first time, I felt like giving it all up.
For a start, I felt stuck in a state of shock. What should I do?
Should I add myself to the list of casualties and try and oust the naysayer? Or should I exercise my experience in communications and PR and jump into BMB and say ‘Ladies! This is the media, don’t do it, you don’t understand what you’re dealing with!!!’ I did neither but I was rankled, perturbed and felt a deep seated sense of disappointment sink into my being.
Like a fox among chickens, this troll gnashed and chomped and snarked. I’d definitely had a few ideas about who it might be; I mean the clues given away were almost an incitement to reveal and expose the troll. But do you know what? He’s an arse and he should stay anonymous. He doesn’t even deserve the publicity.
Then out of nowhere, another story appeared from the journalist who wrote the original piece.
On a blog in fact.
And in all honesty.
Babies who Brunch gave the furore one final jab to put it to rest.
Tee hee, she’s one of us after all.
So a balance was restored and all is now well, for the time being.
And I’m still blogging.
So goodbye blogging?
Not in the least