My daughter is beginning to form her own views about the world and no doubt she’ll soon have a lot of questions about what it means to be a woman. It would be easy to proffer a few Simone de Beauvoir books and let her get on and read them, but this is 2011 (and they depressed the hell out of me when I was a teenager) – our children are digital natives and are able to click their way around the world in a matter of seconds – it’s not going to be the answer for her, or her friends.

I had some burning questions that I wanted to answer so I could feel equipped with facts and knowledge rather than just my own notions: What is feminism in 2011? Is it just the legacy of ‘bra burning women’s libbers’ or is it something that changes with the times? Why do we tiptoe around feminism? Is it evolutionary and alive? And so on.

We have access to every global event both big and small through online news and consumer generated buzz in social media, but you have to dig around to find out about any useful takes on feminism.

Post-millennial feminism is being tied to celebrity culture and gets bad press. When Julia Roberts sashayed along the red carpet, with her arm pits au naturel, she caused a global tabloid frenzy. It was as if an oversight in personal grooming was a radical departure into female activism and it served to dumb down womens’ issues.

Last year, Geri Halliwell let rip about bra-burning lesbianism and tore down the whole Girl Power thing in a soundbite. What a wasted opportunity.

There is some good stuff out there though, here’s a great short from Naomi Wolf who wrote The Beauty Myth and No Logo. I find her a lot more inspirational than Simone de Beauvoir, and that’s what really counts in our time – we all have a need to feel connected rather than subjugated by the weight of intellectual argument and study that some use to define the existence of women.

Feminism is possibly something that connects women more than we believe but our education stumps us at the first post. Cleopatra, Boadicea, Joan of Arc, Elizabeth I, Marie Curie, Florence Nightingale, Gladys Aylward and Amelia Earhart are just some of the names that come up in our general education about outstanding women. They’re split by centuries, and isolated into fictions, which is eblematic of their unachievable status for us every day types. I want my daughter to be able to pin her hopes on something contemporary and tangible, like real role models.

Women are often described as the side notes of histroy and overlooked in history books that there are in fact very few real role models to learn from, yet women have done amazing things for centuries and if a sense of equality would surface these great stories, that in itself would be a great thing. Heading to Bangladesh with Save the Children last year made me realise how immensely powerful these real stories of women are when they become connected with other worlds – and while we Western women moan about our own day to day stuff, we so often fail to remember how liberal our society really is. What I have learned as well is that it’s only in the last 100 years or so that the change has become more apparent, and it’s important that the key milestones such as women getting the vote are etched into our minds and not taken for granted.

Still, it’s all quite a serious business when it comes to human rights and feminism and I felt it was a lonely process read several books on the subject in quick succession.

As an antidote, I asked my twitter following if they wrote about it at all and Transatlantic Blonde was recently running a feminist friday blog round up. Liveotherwise pointed me in the direction of her diatribe about Erica Jong’s belief that motherhood means the loss of free, read her There are no bars here post to get the full story and I also found Ellie Levinson had written a book The Noughtie Girl’s Guide to Feminism. So no shortage of input from real people on twitter.

Here’s some of the stuff I’ve been reading over the last year:

Living Dolls: The Return of Sexism was recommended to me by a friend and I began reading it only to think it a bit fluffy. How wrong I was. I felt helpless, revolted and powerless as I read about sex trafficking and the new social networks that have evolved around prostitution where men rate hookers. This was hardly the Chinese Laundry scene in Thoroughly Modern Millie (the faux feminist Hollywood musical film). It makes for alarming reading, it’s the stuff of nightmares – but now I understand and I don’t know what to do.

The Women’s Room
The Women’s Room is a great read and I enjoyed it. It was notorious for one small sentence which is over- and mis-used, that ‘all men are rapists’. If you have read it, you will know what I mean, if you haven’t, buy it now. It must have been quite something to have read this when it was published. While we have the tales of I Don’t Know How She Does It and Confessions of a Slummy Mummy – this book outlined a life which is alien to me but one I know still exists in Western culture, even though the book is several decades old. My sister read this and some years ago, gave it to a colleague she worked. After reading the book, this woman (who was in her 60s) went home and punched her husband. She was angry that she had bought in to everything he told her without question, she felt her life had been curtailed. I doubt he pressed charges, how she felt afterwards, I don’t know.

Fat is a Feminist Issue – by Susie Orbach, referred to as Fifi by some is actually about how women become complulsive eaters, read Bodies instead, it’s more relevant. I did tweet Susie Orbach for a quote, but she doesn’t seem to reply to tweets. She was the brains behind the recent Dove Real Women campaign and continues to campaign for fair representation of women in the media.

Fear of Flying – Eric Jong, I felt it was more Jackie Collins imbued with psycho-sexual intellectualism.

The Female Eunuch – Germaine Greer, still gathering dust, I saw I’m A Celebrity and couldn’t pick up one of her books without sniggering (sorry), I promise to try again.

More (eclectic) reading:

Any-body

AnyBody is a group of women and men from psychotherapy, media, fashion, law, art, research and academia, which was founded as a not-for-profit limited company in 2003. It’s committed to encouraging a change in cultural attitudes towards bodies, food and eating so that women and children of the next generation can learn to be happy in and look after their bodies.

One of my favourite ever reads about life as it comes and as it is; Silvertown – the story of the life of author Melanie McGrath’s grandmother, Jenny Page. It’s a powerful story and we need more of them.

Stanford – Topics in Feminism – a whistlestop tour of the movement and the philosophical side of Feminism with a good slew of books added to it

Charlotte Perkins was at the vanguard of feminist writing in the US. An interesting and prolific writer, she published 186 short stories and it’s hard to believe that she would not be a blogger if she were alive today, Charlotte Perkins Gilman published “Moving the Mountain”, a discourse on utopian equality.

Ironically, if you search feminism videos on google, this clip from Borat comes up at number 8, a sure sign that not enough is being said or discussed in social media. Need I say more?

It’s not just the shopping, it’s the rapid growth of my beanpole 10 year old – she’s not only outgrown last year’s school shoes but her bike as well. So when we were mooching around the shops the other day I wondered if I should really buy her new school kit now or wait a couple of weeks, and with time running out until the #blogladesh/Bangladesh, I decided to put it all on hold.

That said, somebody up there must like me – this problem has now been solved. We got this lovely package delivered today, as photographed by Miniminx.

And then we opened it to find a selection of the Tesco Clothing school uniform range. It’s part of a blogger tagging idea and I really like it because it’s relevant, fun, convenient and great timing, so thanks from me!

Before I go any further, I am going to nominate Linda S Jones of Got Your Hands Full to receive the same pack. So Linda have a look for the rules at the end of the review – I’m sure they’ll send you a twin-pack!

Tops: we got a cardigan which is a wool mix – it’s a simple design and gets a ‘thumbs up’ from both of us. There are several styles in the range and they’re contemporary without trying too hard. I really like the girls Fair Trade Pique Polo shirts which are £4.00 for a pack of two. The Girls Long Sleeved shirts are £10 for three. Bottoms: the skirt is nicely designed and the trousers are a very pale grey – we like the buckled kilt best. There is a good range to choose from on the site and some shorts too which would look good with woolly tights.

I’ve never bought school uniform from Tesco so I am keen to look over the range. We tend to plump for Marks and Spencer and have had a dreadful experience with Asda’s range – the teflon skirt I bought had material so hard and tough that it actually cut my daughter’s leg and drew blood. It went straight in the bin and we never went back there again. It seem the competition on the high street is to provide the cheapest school uniform but retailers tend to forget they have to be of a decent quality, design and hard wearing as well as comfortable.

At first glance the uniforms look fine – although a little small for my daughter. She is just over five feet so she doesn’t fit the 9-10 size and we’re plumping for the 11-12 group. We tend to buy clothes on height rather than age now anyway but it’s worth checking out, especially if you’re buying online. The size guide on the site is found next to the product and it’s really thorough.

So what does Miniminx think? She reckons it’s ‘Alright’ which in child speak is pretty ok, since choosing clothes with a 10 year old is a case of ‘No I’m never wearing that’ or ‘But it’s only a £100 for those boots, they’ll last ages. Well, you get my drift.

I have had a good nosey around the Tesco school uniform range and it’s pretty cool price wise and the designs should have H&M rushing back to the drawing board. I’m particularly impressed by the raincoats which start from around £12 and the range of choice too.

The key issues for choosing school clothes are mobility and wearability – there’s no use wearing a pencil skirt if you’re running around the playground all day and stiff materials make for uncomfortable wearing too, and at worst rashes. The overall look is important. We have spotted some really hip kids uniform in Zara but it’s outlandish and as my daughter said ‘I’d never wear that in a million years’. I think kids like to customise their uniforms but don’t want to look like idiots – like the rest of us.

By the way, I’m taking the pens from the pack to Bangladesh to give away to the children there.

If you’ve been tagged by me and want to get involved, here are the rules; to tag someone else once you’ve got your pack from Clothing at Tesco you simply upload a photo of your pack to your blog, and tag a fellow mummy blogger. Simple.

The thing that really gets me is that statistics are being darkly manipulated used against Mums to scare them into buying products. Apparently we are being challenged to eat grapefruits rather than greasy fry ups because 88% of family meals consist of takeaways rather than fresh fruit and vegetables.

So how does this 88% calculation stand up to scrutiny? That really is quite shocking isn’t it? But let’s see how that pans out over an average month of family meals;

30 days x 3 meals = 90 meals

Therefore 79 of them would be take aways.
79? How does that work? If the average cost if £15, that means the family food bill would be £1185 per month. You could afford a personal chef for that amount.

I mean, come on, is this your daily routine?

‘Morning darling – can you get your school uniform on please.’
‘Yes, Mum, I’m hungry’
‘Don’t worry, the burger van is on it’s way and I’ve got them to do a kebab for your packed lunch.’
‘What’s for dinner tonight Mum? Can we have my favourite?’
‘Oh you mean left overs?’
‘Mmmmm.’
‘Now let’s have a look, we’ve got some pizza crust, some manky cold chips and a few gherkins chucked out of a burger bap. Oh and look, here you go; last week’s special fried rice. That’ll make a great smorgasbord. I tell you what, why don’t you invite some of your friends round and you can sit on the sofa and watch movies and eat finger food.’
‘Great! My school uniform is feeling a bit tight though.’

I doubt it is, but this thoughtless manipulation of figures amounts to a very dim view of Motherhood.

I’m on the frontline of parenting. I’m a Mum who understands the issues around food and nutrition, not a journalist on a deadline who is looking for a headline. Is it lazy PR to send me a press release meant for a print writer or is it failure to understand the mindset of a blogger? Even worse, is it spam?

Why on earth would I write a blog post damning families on such flimsy evidence, just because a press release tells me to do so? And it even mentions lack of fruit in school childrens’ diets to counter balance ‘unhealthy lunches’. That actually has increased my blood pressure just reading it. Where do ‘unhealthy lunches’ come from? Jamie Oliver is mentioned in the press release. Great. Apparently fruit intake has gone up 25% but hell, even that’s not good enough! I’m incensed.

Why has this campaign taken this approach of knocking down any progess and demeaning us Mums (apparently Dads don’t get a pasting because it’s the Mums who are not doing the cooking and feeding of kids properly according to the press release.)

Perhaps digging a little deeper and maybe asking families why they got take aways instead of cooking would be the next logical step in fleshing rather than obesifying (sic) the story out.

So I am not going to write a tabloid style story about ‘Take Away Shame’ and how I managed to swap speed dial for slow cooked gooseberries with liver.

I’m going to cite why people get take aways;

Friday night is fun time?
After a week of hard work, if you haven’t got the energy to go out, a take away of Indian, Thai or Chinese is something to really enjoy, especially if you know your local restaurant. Our fabulous Thai makes a slightly less spicy green chicken curry, which funnily enough has peas, broccoli, cauliflower and red peppers in. Hmmm, where’s the guilt there?

My babysitter can not cook – or if she did, she’d burn the house down…
Well, she makes a mean tuna sandwich but that’s as far as her repertoire goes. So when she does babysit, I’m going out to have a fun evening, so Miniminx can have a little indulgence too and have a pizza and waffles.

Because I can’t make Peking Duck
While I’m a dab hand at most things in the kitchen. I can not for the life of me imagine cooking Crispy Duck from scratch.

And while I’m on the subject, perhaps reading up on the latest news around the 5 a day fruit and veg myth might enlighten PRs as to the topicality and transience of food trends. Science not surveys are very key in nutrition too. Grapefruits for example are utterly jam packed with Vit C and can really help in the uptake of touch nutrients like iron.

Sadly, tucked away at the bottom of the press release are some really interesting food tips; get your children to grow fruit, take kids to Pick Your Own farms. I would love to see more thought go into this issue that has been raised but sadly it’s a missed opportunity. Maybe a guide to the the best PYO places and what’s in season would make me evangelise this story but the facts as they are just don’t do it or even think about it.

Oh, and raspberries? That’s from my PYO trip last Summer, and I still have some home made jam left from them. Grrrrrrrrr.

I love this photo, I took it at a stop on our drive through the Atlas Mountains, heading to Marrakech. The funny thing is that this must be the most eco-friendly shop in the world – it has no electricity, sells natural products and the carbon foot-print is probably tiny (unless you count the wind from the goats tied up out the back!).

Joking aside, this is possibly one of the most beautiful places I’ve been – the scenery is breathtaking – and quite a sheer drop as well. And it’s pretty high altitude too.

Looking in the other direction feels like looking towards the land of Oz but this of course was very real and we were excited about arriving in Marrakech itself – the magical and ancient city. I can only imagine how wonderful it must be when it’s covered in the snow in the Winter, but I’m not sure I’d be too happy to do the mountain roads at that time of year.

We didn’t actually buy anything but Miniminx tried on a few crystals…

So when the lovely Tara asked me for a photo for her profile on me, I thought, hang on a minute, I’m really happy to talk about my blog and parenting, so I sent her my mugshot.

And she has run a lovely article this month on mychild.co.uk.

Here it is and here I am too…

Thanks to mychild.co.uk for being such a great web site too, we need more of these please.

Thanks to Katherine at Supply and Demands for this lovely cuppa. Such a beautiful cup and saucer, so dainty and sweet, but never judge a cup by it’s saucer honeys. My one contains two packets of Proplus, half a can of redbull and a double espresso but you’d never notice….

As you all know……..I’m very, very tired, and the rules are here and I’m going to do my best to post 10 but my eyelids may not allow, so keep this for now…

Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link.

Pass the award to 10 other blogs that you have newly discovered. Remember to contact the blogger to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Well number one goes to the Good Charlotte…tea(sic) hee -

She’s here at anknelandburblets.com – lovely design and a lovely lady (I know she likes coffee in the morning…but I’m sure she’ll appreciate this cuppa!

Glamumous – Fabulous, glamorous, I’m-so-very-jealous, have a cuppa on me….

I love these hardworking ladies at Totsy, what a blog

littlemummy.com She’s new to me, she’s funny and snappy and snazzy

Justaplanerideaway - This pan handler, she’s plane great…sorry…bad puns!

Peter at pressofficeparents.blogspot.com – really good to see people blogging about Parentline Plus and I think this is great – stick the kettle on will ya?

Sticky fingers because this post I’ve linked to made me laugh out loud – it’s just sublime!

This is a great one – Mollychicken – and I am hoping Madame will knit me a tea cup too

Dulwich Mum has put us all to rights on how to deal with Swine Flu so she deserves a nice cuppa too

and another new one to me, 3kidsnojob – talking swine again….I’m sure tea boosts the immune system…

the demonstration complete with riot police

Tough call taking the piccies, I thought I was going to get arrested.

another reminder that nothing ever stops in London

Must download that John Lennon track, ho hum.

another reminder I am going to miss my train....ooops

Waterloo at least 15 minutes away by Shanks’s pony.

another reminder I need a lie in...do they take block bookings?

Missed a train but grabbed a seat to skim the London Paper and switch on my iPod.
My soundtrack for the journey home…

Ooh la la, time for another holiday soon…

I’m am so chuffed – in fact gobsmacked to be a new entry in the Top of the Pops (well Moms and Pops) – it’s brought back memories of me and my brothers and sisters (six of us, a veritable bratpack) dragging out the dressing up box on a Sunday night, sticking polystyrene cups wrapped in foil on the end of bamboo sticks and glamming up to sing the Top 40 to an audience of two screeching, coughing, choking and (looking back, I hope) laughing parents.

This is obviously a sign of my age – whatever happened to Top of the Pops, 45s (flexi-discs????), chart show run downs and seeing my brother (then 11) drag up in a shiny gold and orange number over his Leeds footie kit? Who knows.

I digress darlings, caught up in the flow of nostalgia, I’m neglecting to mention what has brought this all on. It’s the Tots 100.…

Thank you lovely ladies for this lovely present! I was advised to post this gift in the sidebar, but I don’t know what one is, well I do really, but you lucky buggers bloggers on typepad can do this I can’t on WordPress right now…and I’m a little bit confused too, because looking at the code I can’t enlarge it (if you saw my last post you know I’m not one to undersize my images).

So that’s a drat and double drat from me but I don’t care! I’m gobsmacked-blown-away-cheshire-cat-like-and-have-a-warm-fuzzy-feeling-all-over. And it’s made me think a bit more about my months of blogging.

So what’s the big deal? It’s a huge deal because blogging has become a true essential in my life, it’s an extra pair of hands in parenting.

I began at the very tail end of last year because I’d hit a big wall and been quite seriously credit crunched – a new job had sadly evaporated almost as the world economy crashed and burned and I was left facing January 2009 with apparently no hope. So there I was wondering where to go, what to do and how to keep busy and out of trouble.

Hmmm, oh well, I thought. Perhaps a blog would help keep me sane. So I started to write, a bit gingerly at first, a real scaredy cat, but then I got hooked. I had no expectations, I didn’t think anyone would even read it.

But guess what – it has kept me out of trouble, sane at times and even better, some lovely people have even taken the time to read it and speak to me. Wow!

I kid you not, if I was a psychologist, I would recommend it as therapy.

Blogging has been really given the thumbs down by a lot of people ‘in the know’ in the media, such as Janet Street Porter here slagging off all us child-laden saddoes who have a reason to live,  but they don’t understand the real reasons why people blog. It’s rather like the time when paste up designers refused to learn DTP. Failure to embrace the future means it will reject you. I’ve always loved Janet Street Porter’s work but I think this time she is wrong. I can’t wait for Janet Street Porter to start twittering and feel the noise – come on rise to the challenge!

Anway, back to those of us back at the ranch who put the kids off to bed and sound off in the 2.0-scope. Why oh why do we venture into this new and unknown territory? Perhaps it’s very much like parenting and we are all curious and want to hear about other people’s experiences. Well if you don’t, I certainly do, and I hear these reasons from blogging parentsall the time about why they do ;

1. Catharsis
What a great place to indulge that need to let out niggles, worries, wants, whatever it is in our lives, it’s better out than in!

2. A diary
I believe bloggers are journal writers. The most beautiful thing I ever read on a blog was that these blogs are ‘love letters to our children’ – so whoever wrote that, I’m sorry I can’t remember where I read it, but it is the most poignant and touching belief and a beautiful thing to define, so thank you…

3. A discipline
Blogging is a way of keeping addled minds on the straight and narrow – be it sleepless nights, unemployment, separation, forthcoming nuptials, long haul flights, ex-pat living, we all need to verbalise it, albeit online. Apparently, poetry helps to fend off depression, I truly believe that blogging has the same effect.

4. Connecting
I never in my wildest dreams ever thought that blogging would enrich my life the way it has. I’ve met interesting people, read great stories, had amazing conversations and feel that the other bloggers I connect with are interested people with a common goal – it’s not about business or self aggrandisement, we’re raising the next generation and all of us in very different circumstances but it’s a great new playing field we’re on and so much fun to boot. But that aside, it’s affirmed my Motherhood, flippant as I may be, being a single parent is no easy road but through blogging it seems easier.

So, while I’m still agog, and possibly sounding a little twee, I have to raise a toast (be it sliced brown Hovis or champagne) to all those others who have created this extraordinary new cultural phenomen. Here’s my shout out here (or rather post-bedtime whisper) and a big thank you to all of you who in the first instance reached out to me and gave me that little nudge, that kind comment and more than occasionally a huge laugh and also left me reaching for the tissues to either stem the eye watering laughter or the honesty of a bad experience that made me cry. I may not know you all so well but I just want to thank you for being there, that’s all

Violetposy
A Modern Mother
Rosie Scribble
Potty Diaries
Jo Beaufoix
Dulwich Divorcee
MTFF
Alpha Mummy
I promise That I will Do My Best
Single Parent Dad

PS: I don’t take saccharine. I’m giving you all a cup of builders’ tea with two heaped spoons of Tate & Lyle, enjoy! Btw, tagging maybe a bit scraggy, sorry all x

Take the time Miniminx had a school trip to the beach. With bucket and spade, wearing her very cute stetsun sunhat, carrying a bag with a swimming costume and all the associated beach paraphernalia, we walked to school. She actually skipped and sang ‘The sun had got his hat on.’ all the way. Lovely.

We arrived a bit early and bumped into the head master.

‘Good morning’ big cheesey grins all round.
‘Hello’
‘Do you know where the coach is?’
‘Ummmm, coach? What coach…?’
‘For the trip today, the one for year 3.’
‘Ooooh, the trip.’ at this point I knew something was up
‘It’s next week’ Shit, shit, shit, what an idiot.

I covered my mouth with my hand and feigned coughing as a foil to the hysterical laughter I needed to quell. Two big blue eyes look up at me, one very cute mouth pouts and trembles. Cue big blobby sobs from Miniminx. Cue me cringeing all day at work. Two years later we can laugh about it together (I still laugh about it alone…what a meannie).

And then last month, we got back from Ibiza at midnight with Elizabethan Dress up Day at school in the morning. I got up early and made a paper ruff and dressed Miniminx in her garb. We got to school a few minutes late and had a peek into her classroom.
28 kids in white shirts and grey skirts sat on the carpet looking at the teacher.
Oh bugger….Miniminx gave me a silent howl and cue big blobby sobs.
Double bugger.

‘Ssssssh, they’ll hear you, let’s sneak out and get you home and changed.’

We ran home, I rang the school.

‘There’s no dress up day today, nothing in the diary sorry’

Confounded, I got her back into her uniform and then we hightailed it back to school. We got to the classroom and discovered that it actually was dress up day and the kids were getting changed after lunch. We had that instant Mother-daughter telepathy, locked eyes and shook our heads – the uniform was staying on for the rest of the day! I walked home for a medicinal coffee or four after two hours of behaving like a headless chicken – at least I didn’t have a job to go to.

And now, I’m back in the world of work. It’s a change and days are much more regimented. I woke up this morning to the alarm and got up after another cheeky few minutes sleep. I woke up little sleepyhead Miniminx and started the usual prework pick and pack malarky – lunch box, healthy snack, drinks, swim kit etc. Then I checked the time on my phone – surely it was nearing 8am. It was 6.20am. An extra 100 minutes were a bonus, so I decided (yes, very Doris Day of me) to do some baking. Raspberry and blackberry wheatfree muffins for breakfast and some flapjack for the lunchbox.
I even took a packed lunch to work for myself.
I even managed to get Miniminx in the bath and hairwashed BEFORE school.
With everything shipshape and ahoy, I booked a cab and we were out the door heading to school and Miniminx was ready to rock and roll at breakfast club.

We walked across the sunny playground, we smiled, we chatted. Miniminx waved at her friend. She stopped walking and looked at her friend again who was looking over at us curiously. Then she looked down. And so did I.

The horror.
FLIP FLOPS!!!
FOUR FLIPPING FLIP FLOPS!!!!

We had both forgotten to put shoes on.

Miniminx became hysterical. I mean big sobbing blobs of tears all over my new dress, she was mortified.

‘I’m – wear – ing – flip -flops ! MUMMMMMMMMMMMM’
‘Whoopsy daisy, how did that happen?’
‘I CAN’T GO IN TO SCHOOL LIKE THIS!!!’
‘Darling, it’s too late to go home and change,’
‘I have to go home now’
‘Can’t you wear your PE shoes’
‘I don’t have them at schooooooooooooool’
‘Darling, it’s a genuine mistake, no one will tell you off.’

Into breakfast club we went – it’s like Ministry of Sound in the good old days, but for under 10s – but the poor little thing was inconsolable. We chatted, she calmed down and we said good bye.

I left the playground under a cloud and sporting a tear-stain pattern on my new dress. Shit.

When I picked her up, I asked how she’d got on with the flip flops and she told me she had borrowed someone else’s shoes and a pair of socks and it was all fine in the end.

There were lots of ladies wearing flip flops in the office today. I sat down at my new desk, I looked down at my feet, without a trace of smugness, thinking flip flip, flop flop…where’s the coffee, I’ve done a day’s work already.

Piddle.

The thought of making a mad dash to grab a new one left me on the verge of passing out. I’ve spent the last month trying to perfect the recipe for my gorgeous breakfast treats. But there’s pain, and there’s PAIN.

I am still suffering from a 1,000 yard dash in very high heels down the Kings Road two nights ago.  My feet are in ribbons. If that wasn’t bad enough, after a full day in the office in four inch heels yesterday, I went to meet my very fast-on-her-feet sister for dinner and a movie last night. I must have walked two miles from the station to restaurant to cinema to car park, and the soles of my feet were screaming.   And so was I inside.

Today I have found solace in my Minnetonka moccasin boots, call me Pocahontas, I don’t care, comfort is what I’m craving.

So back to the checkout.

In bleeding heart style, I meekly held up the offending sugar bag to show the lovely man on the check out that it had sprung a miniscule but meaningful leak.

‘I’m sorry,’ I choked the words out. ‘But there’s a hole in the bag, I am not going to take it’

‘You can change it you know.’
I yawned (how embrassing at 6.45pm) and rather comically raised my tired and deflated eyebrows (yes I can, no botox). Please ring the bell and ask some wonderful person to save my feet and get it for me, I was thinking.  He opened his mouth as if to say the magic words, but…out came
‘Yes, you can’
My eyes narrowed. I did not need a Barack Obama-ism to spur me on to do another marathon around our supersized not so super market.
‘I’m. Too. Tired.’ I gasped.

But after two days back at work and a marathon shop, that’s the easy bit out of the way. My Easter holidays are just beginning. I’ve got to head to North, South, East and West London, there’s an Easter Egg Hunt to prepare, a massive Sunday feast to produce and packing for a holiday and that’s all before the back to school mayhem, and then work. Compared to what’s coming, this was a bloody picnic!

Honestly, I’m really looking forward to it all. But there always needs to be a Plan B. At times like these, my hero Pedro Almodovar springs to mind. I’m a real fan of his early movies and especially this Gazpacho recipe. It’s an evil twin to my Bloody Mary Mix which I’ll begin marinading tomorrow for Sunday.

Ladies and gents, if your Easter Sunday gets too much don’t worry. When everyone hits the chocolate high from too many eggs, you may start to feel the exasperation of being chained to the kitchen and that irksome feeling when the champagne runs dry. Fear not, just remember this clip from Women on the Verge of A Nervous Breakdown. It’s an all time family favourite among the women in my family. Give them a bowl of this special gazpacho and I guarantee you’ll have a peaceful day and no arguments over what crap to watch on telly.