There are two things I still need in my credit crunch arsenal; a good le Creuset set and a giant pasta saucepan (hopefully for cooking and not pan handling). Otherwise, I’m in the market for nothing; nada, nil, zero, diddly squat.

Do you know what that means to me? I’m not imagining cosy suppers and tipsy nights. My champagne quaffing days are done and dusted and there’s no more eating out – I’ll be at home making pot luck suppers for waifs and strays and why? Because cash is king no more, and I can’t fight off the harbingers of doom any longer. I’m fricking skint.

More Mother of our time than child, I’m the living, breathing embodiment of the credit crunch. Having to shelled out this month’s essential outgoings today, without a penny coming in, I’m shaken up no end.

But it’s not just at home, it’s everywhere you look – it’s sprung from the newspapers and into the real world. I’ve had two trips to town this week (meaning Soho and Covent Garden) and I’ve not ventured into any shops. Probably because most of them are shut! The sight of the massive Nine West on the Piazza was startling – with it’s Spring Collections posters in the windows, I expected a showcase of the latest hot-to-trot heels but instead the lights were off and nobody home. In fact, apart from a crocodile of exchange students all lined up with their backpacks and notebooks, WC2 was tumbleweed central.

And this ghost town is coming too soon. I have to admit to a touch of schadenfreude at seeing Estate Agent offices with a ‘Lease for Sale’ sign outside. And I had envisaged Woolworths would close because of a long history of problems, just like the other old world brand, Blockbuster, in the news today because of problems, but again, that’s another outmoded business model, and it will start closing on March 8 (Shepherds Bush store to shut).

What’s worrying me more is the rate of speed of these closures and the gaping holes that are left in the high street. My fishmonger has closed; my favourite bistro on the high road; Westfield has just announced losses running into billions…

I’m really starting to feel the pinch and while I can’t afford to shop at the warp speed I used to, I’ll be heartbroken if I can’t even window shop anymore…and so will those who lost their jobs even more.

Take for example a simple trip to my storage unit yesterday. Easy enough, drop off stuff, pick up stuff and enjoy a lengthy lunch in a local posh pub…

I’m thanking my lucky stars that I went actually – I opened up the door to find all my storage boxes had collapsed and there has been a damp problem in that area of the building following the cold snap. So now it’s a case of unpacking, repacking and moving units – what a zen-like task and what a pain in the arse too. However, on the bright side, I only go there once a year or so and if I hadn’t gone everything would have rotted. I think some of my stuff is ruined. I went there to take a stack of packing boxes which cost me a fortune last time I moved and I stubbornly refuse to ditch them.

So now they’ve gone from my house, amazingly the space is already replaced by a new load of boxes from my meanderings online in a few of my favourite shops. I ordered a Dyson animal on Amazon which looks amazing. It replaces my old Dyson which I thought was fine, even though it’s 10 years old. I asked my cleaner why the rugs always looked so dirty and she said it was the Dyson, she told me it was like using a toy hoover – I was mortified, so I had to replace it. Pricey to say the least but it’s built to last and it had £50 off.

Next a delivery from figleaves – I’m really impressed since I placed the order less than 48 hours ago, most of it is 50-70% off. Then my White Company delivery – great! Kids hangers for Miniminx’s ward robe, and the Brighton Bath Towel rail which I’ve waited and waited for a discount on but it’s never in the sale so I jumped straight in. I’d forgotten that I’d bought a backgammon set reduced from £80 to £35 and so that was a neat surprise and 30% off scented candle is my other bargain. It’s like Christmas day with all this arriving.

But last night my very disappointing Sainsburys shop arrived with a lot missing. The driver was apologetic but it’s not his fault. I’d gone for a lot of 2 for 1 offers and some were missing. They’ve also done the old – give the internet shopper stuff that’s nearly out of date trick – so my 2 for 3 on rice noodles is ridiculous as I only get through a pack every three days and the sell by is tomorrow. Bummer. Even worse, three of us were playing on Wii Fit and my Super Hoola record score was reduced as we had to get the door – it was actually quite funny tho.

And the job hunt? Pah, there’s nothing go on so I’m looking forward to getting my hair done (an essential for job hunting) and visiting the dole office tomorrow. I’ve decided to take a positive approach and try and see what courses are available to me in my out-of-work state.

Is anyone else blogging about being unemployed? I seem to be unable to find anyone out there…am I missing something??

Yet another big scandal heads out of the US – and of course, we’re all going to suffer here. Madoff by name, Madoff by nature. He Made-off with all the bloody money didn’t he? Lots of news everywhere about this shocker.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOjC7zTOIJA&hl=en&fs=1]

I wonder if there is a direct knock on effect closer to home. Is this why I can’t spend my hard earned cash? Cos the bank can’t afford to let me have it? Hah! HSBC told me yesterday Solo cards are not safe online – that’s what the bank told me, they upgraded me to Maestro – what the hell is going on, I use that card all over the world but online it’s less than useless. Apparently Solo cards are more prone to fraud than any other card – you people should know this, it’s what the bank told me.

Ho hum, the job hunt is not really happening – I can’t meet anyone with this flu or speak on the phone because I sound so dreadful so it’s purely down to searching on mad.co.uk, brandrepublic.com, linkedin and other random places that turn up on my google searches.

On the worrying subject of unemployment, the true barometer is having a look on the jobs boards – a dead cat bounce? Last week 800, then up to 829, now down to 749, in less than a week – what the hell is going on? There are 240 jobs in my linkedin search – none relevant bar one which is supposedly exclusive to Linkedin but I’ve already applied for it and been ignored through another jobs board. I’m going to have to nix this flu and get out and meet people.

None of my online shopping goodies have arrived yet, but they should some time today! Oh, well hang on a sec, two boxes have just come from Amazon - thank you!!!

Ooh 70% off at figleaves.com – what better way to cheer myself up – I picked out some bras but there were no matching knickers – I tried to go from the sale site to the normal site to find some matches – the sites aren’t connected so I gave up – again…

My tesco.com ‘delivery slot’ meant bog all – eagerly awaiting my supplies and flat out of milk, 1pm, 2pm, 3pm – the slot passed and I began to panic. Fair enough, someone rang from customer services to say the order would be 30 minutes late. It arrived 90 minutes later, no apology and the Happy Christmas from the delivery guy was obviously a hint for a tip. Harumph!

Next, online Christmas present shopping – thanks Amazon – I got the best deals on everything there having compared play.com, apple store, argos and tesco. An iPod (£15 cheaper than elsewhere), Sony Vaio, Nintendo Wii and Wii fit (great bundle), along with a bunch of other Christmas goodies were ordered. Then the pain. My card was refused six times. I called the HSBC fraud prevention department, it was a total ‘Computer says no’ experience. They said my transactions had been picked up as unusual and therefore refused. I went back to Amazon and tried my card again when they told me it would work, but it didn’t, so I said they should stay on the phone while I put the transaction through. After most of it was paid for I rang off, only to get yet another email to say my card wasn’t working – I used my Barclaycard instead without a wimper. HUMBUG!

Back in the real world – I shredded my banks statements to avoid cyber crime – oh, the irony – I can’t even use my own bank card!!

I’m still copying my CDs onto my laptop awaiting the arrival of the iPod – I wasn’t going to buy one until I found my Sony stereo docking station is only compatible with iPods, sorry Creative Zen but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

On a better note (pardon the pun) a friendly call from Luckyvoice to confirm my booking – thank heavens someone has this stuff sorted out – a pinch of the real world in customer services goes a million miles. 10/10

I’ve just done the Guardian Quick crossword online – I am not sure how long I will stick to online newspapers. It’s a daily ritual of mine to buy The Guardian, The Sun and The Mirror, at the Post Office and say Hi to the lady that runs it. If I stop doing that, I feel I won’t be supporting my local community, the post office, the butcher and the corner shop punctuate my walk home from school. It’s a social dilemma.

Yesterday was spent on the sofa shivering and sneezing, too sick to go out and feeling really rotten. Boredom is paramount during flu, so in my ennui, I’ve decided to see if I can live digitally – I’ve been emailing, texting, calling to stay in contact with people – nothing new there. Unable to get my daily papers, I’ve switched to online and found The Guardian has finally put it’s crossword online and you can even cheat! I do the crossword everyday religiously and it’s more fun online. I’ve been reading The Sun online for ages so won’t bother buying either paper anymore. That’ll keep the recycle bin a bit slimmer and stop me worrying about trees Will the publishers notice?

Virtual milk? Shame the milkman doesn’t deliver anymore huh? Do I want to leave my cashmere cardi, scarf and slippers at home and wrap up to go out in the pouring rain? Not bloody likely. I’m checking Tesco so see the earliest delivery, they can do 1-3pm tomorrow – not bad at all, I can last until tomorrow.

Entertainment? Sky is fab – all those things I’ve recorded and never had time to watch have been viewed. You can not argue with the glorious technicolour TCM, I just love it. I’m going back to bed to copy all my CDs onto my laptop and then ditch the boxes in storage…I hate the clutter.

No point facebooking – everyone’s out doing Christmas shopping and partying – I can shop online but the party is over for me this weekend -and it’s horrible – I suppose if I get really desperate, I can switch on the Xbox and have a karaoke session with Lips. I feel like I am living on the moon, life is nothing without people, I need my family and friends, one can not live online alone!

The upside of all this is that I can shop without leaving home (yay!) and I’m bargain hunting Amazon and all the other usual suspects for deals on laptops, iPods, Nintendo Wiis and zoom lenses without wearing out my shoeleather. I’ll venture out to the new Westfield when the sales are on…
Ciao-achoo

PS: a note to all you manic emailing brands; urbanoutfitters, graham and green, lastminute, ebookers, letterbox, play.com, argos, figleaves et al – three emails a day, do not a sale make – take a tip from Luckyvoice and the Adventure Company – little, interesting and often please