And so, so glad to escape the glass towers where I had worked. Once a bustling enterprise, it was haunted by glum, grey, despondent suits wailing over share prices and school fees. Ironically they had kept their jobs but with a world gone so crazy in the throes of the credit crunch this oxymoron was quite the norm.
They lived in fear.
I was way past that stage.

Okay – I’m glossing over the bad stuff – there were bills to worry about, friends and family frantic about me not working, self doubt etc etc. but I could not allow this to consume me.

And I have to fess up to luxuriating in all this new found free time and being a full time Mum. All the same, I still kept a semblance of busy-ness to give myself a purpose. I wrote. A lot. For some reason, I felt that this would really help me out of this situation and lead somewhere, exactly where, I wasn’t sure but for the time being, it seemed 150% right.

Dropping Miniminx off to school became a leisurely past time rather than a rabid rush. Walking along the river on the way home, I’d start thinking of what to write. Life as a ‘no hoper’ had such rich pickings, and while it filled the yawning gap left by a career on hold, there was never any shortage of ideas.

Back in the tedious mind-numbing and utterly depressing world of jobhunting the jobs evaporated in front of my eyes. I spent hours trawling the web, calling people, meeting headhunters, writing my CV, following up, rewriting my CV, and uploading my CV to sites. But there was nothing out there for me or anyone else.

And then it was February.

I started to contribute to other blogs; London Mums, Mummo, Mumsrock and was a Mychild top blogger- it was really great fun, and I suppose I was of the moment; a vocal and blogging credit crunch casualty but that was just a sideshow. I’m a Mum, with a daughter, and I was able to share that with other Mums and for the first time felt I was able to discuss Motherhood and feel the empathy.

Then, I found out about a Carnival. I wasn’t quite sure what a Carnival really was – I’m an ex Notting Hill girl so to me it means one thing – a three day bender and a week to recover. But I soon learned it was much more civilised and a round up of blog posts with links to the stories and name checks. This one was to appear on AlphaMummy – the top site for Mums. I was in awe.

I submitted an article.

Well, actually I didn’t, I drafted the email.
Then had a coffee and thought it over.

‘Would it be such a good idea?’ I asked myself. ‘What if anyone reads it?’

I left the email in draft and felt a bit flustered.

‘What have you got to lose?’ I said to myself. ‘Hmmm, um, nothing?’

I pressed send.

Then I dashed upstairs and hid under my bedcovers. I’m serious, I did!

‘What the bloody hell have I done?’ I was cringing.

Gawping at myself in the mirror before heading out the door to pick Miniminx up from school, I splashed my face with coldwater and told myself;

‘Get a grip, it won’t even make it anyway – who’d be interested in me?’

And when I checked AlphaMummy a few days later, it was on there…I had made my first carnival!

It meant a lot and inspired me to keep on going.
For all my bluster, I’d still taken quite a knock and this helped me rise above it.

I began to love carnivals and continued submitting to them, even creating my own Credit Crunchista Carnivale which proved to be quite possibly a bit too tongue in cheek popular (thankfully!).

That’s when I started to really enjoy the whole thing with a passion.

And come to think of it, I never actually stopped working really, did I?

More to follow…

Incredibly, this story I am writing is post number 149 which means over the last year I’ve probably written around 75,000 words here. That combined with the other writing on sites and blogs I do probably amounts to around 120,00 words – no mean feat when you look at it. But it’s my no means been a difficult challenge, it’s been a total blast and has helped me get to grips with more than just how to click ‘publish’.

So back to where it all began. Facing a particularly difficult situation; no job come January, a Christmas without my daughter and and the end of my work contract wind down, the months appeared before me like an abyss. It was hard not to feel alienated and a social outcast. Even if I wasn’t one, I felt it. It was no suprise I succumbed to an awful attack of the flu. That Friday, the fever was so bad that I was unable to leave the house for three days, and fortunately Miniminx was away for the weekend.

With no choice but to live online while snivelling and bedridden, I just about managed to survive on what was in the house, ordered some online supplies and kept writing. Just a blog post each day, but it was something.

At the end of day three with the tissue box empty and the lemsip packets crumpled, there was a knock on the door and a groaning ghostlike-heap greeted the delivery man. Yes, it was me, and it was at that point I had a revelation.

Nothing was going to be the same again – I’d found a new tool for survival and wasn’t going to give it up.

Blogging might be easy, but getting started is the hardest part. I determined to say anonymous. And by blog name summed up the sense of futility at that time. My high hopes had been nixed and my minxy life crushed. Clown that I am, I set about writing with humour not despair, it took me a while to get it right and it certainly lifted the dark clouds and put the light back behind my eyes.

There is something really unnerving about putting a story out there in this new cyber world they call ‘the cloud’. I imagined my blog posts would be like raindrops falling from this cloud and evaporate before even hitting the ground and, in reality, no one would ever read it.

But they did and hey ho, I got a visitor or two, and thought

‘Oh my god, I wrote a blog post and someone bloody ready it – shit!’

….and then I got a comment, and thought

‘Um, so what happens next? This is quite scary. Who are these people, they have funny bloggy names.’

I had a look around and found other bloggers. Mummies. With beautiful blogs, stickered with awards. I had discovered the Mumosphere, or rather, it has discovered me.

‘Ahem.’ I thought. ‘Well goodness me. I see I’m not alone here.’

I replied to comments, it was like making invisible friends with lovely people. It was a miracle. I was no longer alone at my laptop.

‘Wow. Wahaaay.’

I had a new job.

I had become the accidental Mummy blogger.

Simply put, it’s been an incredulous and fabulous year.

November 29 2008 was the day I clicked ‘publish’ on my first wordpress post. I was amazed I’d even managed to work out how to set up a blog, but compared to what was going on in the world, it was really easy.

I knew from the start of the credit crunch I was heading for a sh*tstorm – working as a contractor for one of the biggest companies in the world, and with a job offer on the table, nothing was set in stone and I became more nervous day by day as the stock markets crashed…an invisible fall out dust was settling across desks, it was suffocating, it was paralysing people, it was as if we were under attack. People mouthed frantically to each other behind the glassed vacuums of ‘private’ offices in a vastly open plan glass space. I took cab rides through the City and the cabbies drove at the suits as if they wanted to mow them down.

This was really shit.

I knew I should look elsewhere and so did everyone else but to no avail. Jobs I went for evaporated, people I knew were sacked by email or text.

I had a ‘war effort’ breakfast with a colleague and by the time we had eaten our scrambled eggs and half drunk our fancy coffee – 40 people were out the door leaving laptops, mobiles, blackberries and thwarted ambition behind.

My Christmas present for 2008 was my P45.

So what?

It’s the frailty of corporate life that makes you question your personal values – who am I without this junk, without this stuff? Who am I without a job, a career, a profession, a hope? Ego no longer plays a part, it’s a great lesson.

So this…

Against all odds, and the backdrop of possibly the worst financial meltdown I’ve seen in my lifetime, I’ve been lucky enough to find a new and exciting way of life that’s helped me to overcome what was initially a hugely daunting prospect.

More to follow…

With half term not far away, it’s the perfect time to have a quick pick-me-up break. But to where?

New York? Could be fun.
Sardinia? No flights back during half term.
England? A bit rainy and cold.
Is half term going to be all about catching the latest movies and going shopping? Yawn.

All in all, it’s nothing very inspirational. However, like everyone else, I’ve had a little idea stashed down the back of the sofa for a while now, well for the last five years actually. It’s captured my imagination, it’s something else. It’s also a bit scary. It’s also a bit crazy. But who cares, it feels the the right thing to do right now. The only way to survive London is to get out of town and doing something completely different, something that you can play back in the cinema of your mind when the drizzle, the traffic and the chaos just get to be too, too much.

So it’s back packs, fleeces and suncream. We’re going on a voyage of discovery and crossing the Sahara then heading to Marrakech. It’s the kind of thing I love doing. I’ve had many adventures in my life but for Miniminx this is her first big trip outside of the Euro comfort zone. And I think it will do her the world of good too.

I’m keen to travel a lot more, so consider this a warm up for South America, China, Japan, India and Thailand – we’re going places!

I often find Miniminx creating a little fashion ensemble for our beloved prodigal pet Shelley.

She is pictured here, superstyle in hot pink raybans and languishing on a bed of super skinny organic dwarf beans.

Stylist: Miniminx Photographer: Nixdminx Accessories: Sainsburys, model’s own

picture credit James Mosingo

No darlings, no typo, I’m far too considered for that. I suppose it’s more of a wardrobe misfunction. Or really a malfunction. Actually, it’s a nonfunction. No, no, sorry. It’s a gone-function.

‘Wasdrobe’ is my new name for what was my work wardrobe. It came to me as I opened up the white doors to find something to wear for my child-free bout of weekend socialising. I rifled through the rails marvelling at all this smart stuff I haven’t worn for months and had a small but perfectly formed revelation. A very obvious and great divide had evolved….

You see, while I’ve had time on my hands, I’ve put it to good use. I’ve done what every good girl should, but no frazzled full-time-working-bread-winner-plate-spinning Mum can do, I’ve colour coded my wardrobe (yep, I bet you’re jealous).

I know, it’s not exactly ground breaking, but it’s my own kind of Hong Kong Shoey Feng Shui. Starting on the left with a winter white Prada waterproof jacket that’s definitely seen a few adventures…moving towards chocolate browns including a very neat suede biker cut jacket, a D&G striped knit with olive sleeves and a few choice khaki items; linen trousers etc, then on to my blue clothes, and ending at my DVF purple satin wrap blouse. Then strangely, a gap. Well not quite a gap, it’s filled with empty wooden hangers. And towards the right, it’s all gone a bit Johny Painter – see vid if you’re not a Fast Show aficionado…

So there it is.
A preCredit Crunch collection of expensively tailored, extensively searched for, very exquisite and very defunct clothing.

Black cacherel 50s style jacket, my prized Armani cinched waist rosette jacket, DKNY nipped waist dress, Miu Miu capri pants, black merino jersey t-shirt, black stretch cotton tank, black biker jacket, black Maggie Wonka net skirt, some eco friendly black wrap dress. And there’s a whole lot more languishing at the dry cleaners.

But who cares about the designers – it’s all just black – and a sign of things now past. Like they say, consigned to the back of the cupboard. And how the world has changed…

Funny isn’t it when you see a little capsule collection, or rather a time capsule, like that?

A few months back, I posted a recipe which I love to use, Grandma’s Groovy Flapjack. It has proved very popular, not least because it’s simple, cheap and nutritious.

This week, while browsing my mumsnet weekly email, I jumped out of my seat. I reached the bottom of the newsletter and discovered Recipe of the Week is mine – what a great thing to happen.

So much as I’d like to say the pleasure is all mine, I can’t take the credit, I’m not the originator of this recipe, although I have tweaked it a little and will continue to fine tune it, the honour goes to Miniminx’s Grandma, so well done you!

Now, I’m foraging around the kitchen to get cracking on a new version with pumpkin seeds and Red Leicester, with touch of smoked paprika. Miniminx loves hers with pine nuts, and hold the carrot and Worcestershire sauce…

In fact, I reckon we’ve got more choices than Starbucks here…

If you’ve tried this at home, please send me your tweaks and tips, and I’ll be sure to try them out!

The ‘news’ being the result of my interview. Waiting is just the worst thing and especially when your future is a stake, it becomes the kind of wait that makes you clean your house inside out, iron and fold things, generally do anything to distract yourself and keep busy and of course, gaffer tape your mobile to your leg so you don’t miss the ‘call’.

So I heard, and first it was luke warm news but with an exciting twist. Perhaps there was another newly created role which would work for me – would I be interested? I bought into this 100% as it was a far more exciting proposition and I was up on the moon for a while.

As calls came and went, this turned into a red hot fireball which then unexpectedly blew up in my face. So now the cold tap is attached to the garden hose and drenching me so to speak. What a day, and it’s not even 6pm. I’m just plain old keeling over.

Not sure where to turn now. It seems I’m more likely to win the lottery than get a job. I’m going to really, really panic for now and take stock when I’ve calmed down a bit – so probably by tomorrow I’ll be back at it. I had my hopes up and now they’re dashed again.

What’s a girl to do?

Well, I shall be drinking red wine tonight (if the head cold allows) and mouthing along to my karaoke (can’t upset the neighbours can I?).

And tomorrow, as Scarlett says, is another day…and how lucky I went down the garden centre to buy some seeds for a vegetable patch, perhaps they’ll keep us fed over the coming Summer months….

It’s not for the want of trying that I’m still at home job hunting, as you can see from my older posts, I’ve been trying to get a foot in the door at lots of places. But still, it’s hard not to think ‘Why me?’.

Last week I had lunch with a dear dear friend, she’s called Roofy-roof in our household, christened by Miniminx when she was toothless.

Roofy – she does have teeth! – is in fact one of the most extraordinary people I know and deserves a bit SHOUT on my blog for being so fab. HELLO YOU!. We first met 9 years ago, and I remember it very well because I was 7 and a half months pregnant, hiding my bump under a massive fake fur wrap and trying to blag a job in her start up (the shame of it – ha ha!). We had an informal interview over coffee and got on like a house on fire. I thought I’d pretty much bagged the job, but I hadn’t dropped the bomb just quite yet.

As we left the coffee house on Old St (home to virtually every dot com start up that ever was) she clocked my body profile and I could only grin inanely, hoping my waters wouldn’t break…

Her mouth formed a sideways capital O, and while she was rendered speechless, I filled in the blanks and explained that it was her lucky day and she would essentially be getting two for one if she gave me the job (see, it’s the way you spin it!).

After a few more meetings, and several months after Miniminx arrived, we started work together in the those crazy boom and bust times which pale into insignificance against the back drop of the 21st century credit crunch carnage, but hey it was all last century and at least we live in interesting times.

So back to the 21st century and a nice little eaterie in Covent Garden. We ordered lunch and caught up on our general gossip; life, love, friends, foes, shopping and travel. Then came, the ‘So let’s cut the crap, what’s really going on’ bit, and I was a bit grumbly about the work situation.

‘I don’t know if I can go back to agency life, I want to do my own thing, but I don’t quite know what it is yet’ I whinged
‘Come on, you do have to get a job, it’s not like you have much of a choice’
‘There are jobs out there but they’re a big step down in salary’
‘Maybe you’ll have to bite the bullet’
‘But I really like blogging, it’s fun’ I whined
‘Well see if you can make a living doing it, maybe you can’
‘Oh I dunno, I doubt it’ what a moaner!
‘Well a job will be the only option then’
‘Hmmm, none of them really excite me though, nothing floats my boat’
‘Oh dear’
‘Is there something wrong with me?
‘I know it! I know what’s wrong with you!’
‘What, please enlighten me?’
‘Well I think it’s obvious, you’ve lost your work Mojo’
‘Oh my god, you’re right. My work Mojo is nonexistent’
‘Yeah, it’s obviously gone’
‘I’m like Austin Powers – how am I going to get it back?’
‘Search me’
‘Yeah, I dunno either…’

Roofy was right, as I pen this, I realise, if I can get a job heavily pregnant I can do anything (Roofy-roof is always right). So I am cranking up a gear and I’ve set a mental deadline of two more months to get it in the bag.

And hey ho, what do you know, I have a job interview today. I’ve got 30 minutes to sell myself and I’ll be competing against a lot of candidates.

I’m nervous and scared but that’s a good thing, because I want it. I’ve done my homework, I’ve got some ideas, I’m writing a little checklist, printing off the job spec and CV to take with me (on the back of school newsletters to recycle paper no less).

While the odds maybe stacked against me, at least I’m out there trying. I’ve pulled off bigger feats than this before and even though times are tough, I’m going to pull out all the stops, make a big effort and rise to the occasion.

Take for example a simple trip to my storage unit yesterday. Easy enough, drop off stuff, pick up stuff and enjoy a lengthy lunch in a local posh pub…

I’m thanking my lucky stars that I went actually – I opened up the door to find all my storage boxes had collapsed and there has been a damp problem in that area of the building following the cold snap. So now it’s a case of unpacking, repacking and moving units – what a zen-like task and what a pain in the arse too. However, on the bright side, I only go there once a year or so and if I hadn’t gone everything would have rotted. I think some of my stuff is ruined. I went there to take a stack of packing boxes which cost me a fortune last time I moved and I stubbornly refuse to ditch them.

So now they’ve gone from my house, amazingly the space is already replaced by a new load of boxes from my meanderings online in a few of my favourite shops. I ordered a Dyson animal on Amazon which looks amazing. It replaces my old Dyson which I thought was fine, even though it’s 10 years old. I asked my cleaner why the rugs always looked so dirty and she said it was the Dyson, she told me it was like using a toy hoover – I was mortified, so I had to replace it. Pricey to say the least but it’s built to last and it had £50 off.

Next a delivery from figleaves – I’m really impressed since I placed the order less than 48 hours ago, most of it is 50-70% off. Then my White Company delivery – great! Kids hangers for Miniminx’s ward robe, and the Brighton Bath Towel rail which I’ve waited and waited for a discount on but it’s never in the sale so I jumped straight in. I’d forgotten that I’d bought a backgammon set reduced from £80 to £35 and so that was a neat surprise and 30% off scented candle is my other bargain. It’s like Christmas day with all this arriving.

But last night my very disappointing Sainsburys shop arrived with a lot missing. The driver was apologetic but it’s not his fault. I’d gone for a lot of 2 for 1 offers and some were missing. They’ve also done the old – give the internet shopper stuff that’s nearly out of date trick – so my 2 for 3 on rice noodles is ridiculous as I only get through a pack every three days and the sell by is tomorrow. Bummer. Even worse, three of us were playing on Wii Fit and my Super Hoola record score was reduced as we had to get the door – it was actually quite funny tho.

And the job hunt? Pah, there’s nothing go on so I’m looking forward to getting my hair done (an essential for job hunting) and visiting the dole office tomorrow. I’ve decided to take a positive approach and try and see what courses are available to me in my out-of-work state.

Is anyone else blogging about being unemployed? I seem to be unable to find anyone out there…am I missing something??