Simply put, it’s been an incredulous and fabulous year.

November 29 2008 was the day I clicked ‘publish’ on my first wordpress post. I was amazed I’d even managed to work out how to set up a blog, but compared to what was going on in the world, it was really easy.

I knew from the start of the credit crunch I was heading for a sh*tstorm – working as a contractor for one of the biggest companies in the world, and with a job offer on the table, nothing was set in stone and I became more nervous day by day as the stock markets crashed…an invisible fall out dust was settling across desks, it was suffocating, it was paralysing people, it was as if we were under attack. People mouthed frantically to each other behind the glassed vacuums of ‘private’ offices in a vastly open plan glass space. I took cab rides through the City and the cabbies drove at the suits as if they wanted to mow them down.

This was really shit.

I knew I should look elsewhere and so did everyone else but to no avail. Jobs I went for evaporated, people I knew were sacked by email or text.

I had a ‘war effort’ breakfast with a colleague and by the time we had eaten our scrambled eggs and half drunk our fancy coffee – 40 people were out the door leaving laptops, mobiles, blackberries and thwarted ambition behind.

My Christmas present for 2008 was my P45.

So what?

It’s the frailty of corporate life that makes you question your personal values – who am I without this junk, without this stuff? Who am I without a job, a career, a profession, a hope? Ego no longer plays a part, it’s a great lesson.

So this…

Against all odds, and the backdrop of possibly the worst financial meltdown I’ve seen in my lifetime, I’ve been lucky enough to find a new and exciting way of life that’s helped me to overcome what was initially a hugely daunting prospect.

More to follow…

So when the lovely Tara asked me for a photo for her profile on me, I thought, hang on a minute, I’m really happy to talk about my blog and parenting, so I sent her my mugshot.

And she has run a lovely article this month on mychild.co.uk.

Here it is and here I am too…

Thanks to mychild.co.uk for being such a great web site too, we need more of these please.

The ‘news’ being the result of my interview. Waiting is just the worst thing and especially when your future is a stake, it becomes the kind of wait that makes you clean your house inside out, iron and fold things, generally do anything to distract yourself and keep busy and of course, gaffer tape your mobile to your leg so you don’t miss the ‘call’.

So I heard, and first it was luke warm news but with an exciting twist. Perhaps there was another newly created role which would work for me – would I be interested? I bought into this 100% as it was a far more exciting proposition and I was up on the moon for a while.

As calls came and went, this turned into a red hot fireball which then unexpectedly blew up in my face. So now the cold tap is attached to the garden hose and drenching me so to speak. What a day, and it’s not even 6pm. I’m just plain old keeling over.

Not sure where to turn now. It seems I’m more likely to win the lottery than get a job. I’m going to really, really panic for now and take stock when I’ve calmed down a bit – so probably by tomorrow I’ll be back at it. I had my hopes up and now they’re dashed again.

What’s a girl to do?

Well, I shall be drinking red wine tonight (if the head cold allows) and mouthing along to my karaoke (can’t upset the neighbours can I?).

And tomorrow, as Scarlett says, is another day…and how lucky I went down the garden centre to buy some seeds for a vegetable patch, perhaps they’ll keep us fed over the coming Summer months….

‘I GOT THE JOB!!!! I GOT THE JOB!!!!!’

The weirdest thing was, I knew I hadn’t got the job but I left the interview room on a real high and shouted it from the rooftops – bizarre to say the least. They call it ‘wish fulfilment’.

Needless to say, as in any absurd dream, and I have a lot of them, things take on a rather surreal touch.  Unlike my teenage dreams of appearing on stage having not learned my script (that was always recurrent before exams), or even those other ones of sitting on the loo in public places, this time I was cavorting in a very red short dress…not a good look for me right now, so I see this as a warning; I will not, I repeat not, be wearing anything red to my next interview. 

Having studied Jung and Freud does this mean I’m not reddy (sic) or am I falling short, is this the bums rush? 

On the other hand, even though I thought I looked rather good (how come you can always see yourself in dreams, I just don’t get it) – it fell nothing short of bare faced cheek, am I going to embarass myself and leave redfaced…I’m cringeing already.

Yes, I know, my dreams are just like my everyday life, full of insouciance and double entendres…fa-nah fa-nah fa-nah.

Aaaarghhh – it’s nearly 12.30 and I need my beauty sleep. So as I hit the pillow, perchance to dream or not, do wish me luck…I need it. I am experiencing serious butterflies and have come down with a cold so will be snivelling like a wretch…with a red nose (yes, a red nose is a bummer so I’m sure my dream has a deeper meaning). I’ve spent hours, if not days, preparing myself and now I can’t sleep a bit but I have to try otherwise it’s red nose and red eyes and possibly the red card.

I have a put a lot of time into a very minimalist presentation and I have 15 minutes to convince these lovely people I’m the lady for the job…

Maybe dreams can come true – aaaah aaah, any dream will do…

Being out of work is any oxymoron – I’m am actually working very hard to get a job even though the KPIs below amount to failure. Maybe I should just do nothing…and wait

A year ago this would have been an adventure and I would have had  five or so face to face interviews by now and maybe two serious offers on the table but it’s no longer a job seekers’ market.

My efforts are not to be sniffed at, I haven’t succumbed to daytime TV and microwave lunches just quite yet but hey ho, it goes like this;

Hours spent trawling the web for jobs = 280

Registrations on job sites = 6

Paid subscriptions to job sites = 1

Recruiter meetings = 5

CV submissions = 15

CV re-edits = 6

CV rejections = 2

Non acknowledgment of CV submissions = 4

Jobs that have evaporated due to the credit crunch before I even put a foot through the door = 2

Job interviews = 0

Interviews that are still in the pipeline = 2

Oh, I know it looks really bad on paper. But it only takes one job to come up trumps doesn’t it?

There’s a massive flipside to unemployment (apart from lie ins, daytime drinking, no commutes etc.)  It is not have to spend time with people you just wouldn’t hang out with under any other circumstances.  Workmates are just heinous at times – all that gnashing of teeth, loose eyes in head and frothing of the mouth, and that’s just me.

I know they don’t mean it but there’s loads of plain old crap that you suffer daily in the corporate office environment that you just wouldn’t bloody tolerate don’t get at home (unless you’re in Downing Street or the Whitehouse)…and there’s a lot to be said for swapping the at-work-alpha for the out-of-work-omega status.

Zero is the new hero for me as I realise that my work angst is nil.

Here goes, all those jaw clenching petty things that I no longer have to put up with;

1. The silent farters – you know who you are! – 0
2. ‘Does my life amount to this moments’ = 0
3. ‘URGENT’ work calls during home/sick/holiday/weekend-time = 0
4. ‘Are you REALLY sick?’ phone calls from unconcerned revenue/deadline driven colleagues = 0
5. Snide, snitchy, backbiting comments from septic single work ‘mates’ = 0
6. The ‘I found your idea and made it mine so I get a promotion and you don’t’ = 0
7. Unwelcome advances from drunken executives at work functions = 0
8. The ‘Sorry mate but I dumped you in it on a Friday night at 5pm – I’m off for a stag weekend’ = 0
9. Infuriating, desk sharing nose-picking, nail-biting toetappers = 0
10. Smokers who come back to their desks humming with the smell of fags/frantic Nicorette guzzling
    addicts = 0
11. ‘Oops I just shared that drunken photo of you to 2,000 people’, can I recall the email? = 0
12. The ‘I’m going to make you look SOOOO bad’ triple cc emails chasing you for a deadline you ‘supposedly’ missed but the cow colleague has just not read your email from three days ago
13. Snickering gimps on instant message who NEVER turn off the high pitched alert
14. Four word emails on crackberrys
15. The ‘I know you’re on holiday but if you’re reading emails, can you just ….’

But the thing is, these are the things things that make the world go round in working life, so now I’ve had a break, let me at ‘em!

Taking full of advantage of my lack of gainful employment, Miniminx enjoyed a day at home on Monday with warmed neckpad, hot water bottle, Disney Channel, lots of moaning and wearing out the battery on her DS (oops sorry I darling, I forgot where I hid, I mean tidied away the charger…). She seemed fine yesterday, so off to school we went.

A few hours later, I get the call from school, ‘Your little darling is in the sick bay and wants her Mummy’. So off I pootle to school and pick her up and we have to cab it to my long awaited facial with her wearing my long-haul-flight-neck-cosy… I thought I’d take advantage of the Giraffe 2-4-1 dinner and stuff cooking so off we went afterwards for a nice quick supper and an arm wrestle over homework.

‘Mum, it’s lucky I can remember your mobile number off by heart now as the ladies in the school office didn’t have to go through all the files.’
‘Oh, you’re such a clever little darling aren’t you!’
‘Oh yeah, and they asked if you’d be at work but I told them you wouldn’t be ‘cos you’re UNEMPLOYED now and NOT WORKING.’
‘Thanks darling’

So it doesn’t end there, that was just the beginning….

I love Amy Winehouse and her scat cat antics, she’s one of my favourite singers and mostly, her lyrics are unintelligible to Miniminx (and me actually), but I think she’s going to have to be silenced for a while. Last night, Miniminx called down the stairs ‘MUUUUUUUUUUM?? WHAT’S REEE HABBB???

‘Oh, you know, it’s for drunks and druggies darling’
‘What does that mean?’
‘Um, well, if Mummy was drinking two bottles of vodka and having a glass of wine at breakfast, I’d probably need to go to rehab. But obviously I don’t need to because I don’t’ I said smugly…

My little angel’s face poked out of a mountain of bathtime bubbles and said what only an eight year old can…
‘Ha ha, I’m going to tell everyone at school you’re going to rehab…’

Well that will go down like a cold cup of sick with the school gate mums…I’m going to get a t-shirt printed and fast…I’M NO AMY.

Needless to say, she is in school today sporting a ThermaCare heatwrap with instructions to keep a lid on the gossip or all gadgets will be returned to Lapland pronto!

The truth is, things are just not hot on the job front. I’m going to have to reinvent myself and learn some pretty new tricks in order to stand out from the crowd. The social media CV just ain’t working. Every recruiter I speak to says it’s hugely competitive out there and there are hundreds of candidates, when only a year ago there were few and far between. When I apply for jobs on corporate web sites, I feel like I’m aiming a pea shooter at the moon. My CV disappears into the ether, I get an acknowledgement and then nothing. Boo hoo.

I’m used juggling career and family and social life and addicted to high octane living, travel, pressure, deadlines, excitement and now my wings are clipped. So while I can chill out and take stock, I really need to feel engrossed, entertained and/or that I’m gaining or learning something and this morning that is how I didn’t feel until I got a few calls and managed to have a bath and get my face on. So what else have I done to do (btw I never add in the 7-9am school run mania, maybe I’ll post on that another time…)

So what have I done today??

Meetings missed = 1
Sick children needing picking up from school= 1
Job opportunity = 1
Cigarettes = 8
Coffee = 2 extra strong
Tea = countless
Cooking = tom yum soup from scratch (may share the recipe one day…)
Social invitations = 2 (thankfully)
Bloggering about = 4 (hours!!!)
Quirky events = 1 (discovered foxes have excavated so much under the garden shed it’s about to fall in the hole)

And it’s only 3.30pm…

And let’s not forget today is one of the most important days of this century – yep, Obama inauguration. It’s unavoidable and fantastic!!! I hope this spells the end of the credit crunch but it’s going to be a hard one to pull off. I’ve said it more than once, 2009 is the last year of the naughty noughties and boy this is one hangover to end all hangovers…

Take for example a simple trip to my storage unit yesterday. Easy enough, drop off stuff, pick up stuff and enjoy a lengthy lunch in a local posh pub…

I’m thanking my lucky stars that I went actually – I opened up the door to find all my storage boxes had collapsed and there has been a damp problem in that area of the building following the cold snap. So now it’s a case of unpacking, repacking and moving units – what a zen-like task and what a pain in the arse too. However, on the bright side, I only go there once a year or so and if I hadn’t gone everything would have rotted. I think some of my stuff is ruined. I went there to take a stack of packing boxes which cost me a fortune last time I moved and I stubbornly refuse to ditch them.

So now they’ve gone from my house, amazingly the space is already replaced by a new load of boxes from my meanderings online in a few of my favourite shops. I ordered a Dyson animal on Amazon which looks amazing. It replaces my old Dyson which I thought was fine, even though it’s 10 years old. I asked my cleaner why the rugs always looked so dirty and she said it was the Dyson, she told me it was like using a toy hoover – I was mortified, so I had to replace it. Pricey to say the least but it’s built to last and it had £50 off.

Next a delivery from figleaves – I’m really impressed since I placed the order less than 48 hours ago, most of it is 50-70% off. Then my White Company delivery – great! Kids hangers for Miniminx’s ward robe, and the Brighton Bath Towel rail which I’ve waited and waited for a discount on but it’s never in the sale so I jumped straight in. I’d forgotten that I’d bought a backgammon set reduced from £80 to £35 and so that was a neat surprise and 30% off scented candle is my other bargain. It’s like Christmas day with all this arriving.

But last night my very disappointing Sainsburys shop arrived with a lot missing. The driver was apologetic but it’s not his fault. I’d gone for a lot of 2 for 1 offers and some were missing. They’ve also done the old – give the internet shopper stuff that’s nearly out of date trick – so my 2 for 3 on rice noodles is ridiculous as I only get through a pack every three days and the sell by is tomorrow. Bummer. Even worse, three of us were playing on Wii Fit and my Super Hoola record score was reduced as we had to get the door – it was actually quite funny tho.

And the job hunt? Pah, there’s nothing go on so I’m looking forward to getting my hair done (an essential for job hunting) and visiting the dole office tomorrow. I’ve decided to take a positive approach and try and see what courses are available to me in my out-of-work state.

Is anyone else blogging about being unemployed? I seem to be unable to find anyone out there…am I missing something??

Guardian Jobs in PR 175
Brandrepublic Jobs Media, Marketing and Comms 2070 jobs, PR jobs 127
PR Weeks Jobs 740
Mad.co.uk PR Jobs 280
Gorkana jobs 310
…and who on earth writes the jobs copy? Check this opportunity flagged as the ‘phenomenal PR explosion in the Middle East‘ who on earth put the that together??? Middle East? Explosions? Ja baby, that’ll really sell this hot job!

3500 jobs to go at Omnicom - you do the maths, lots of people out in the cold

So, a reality check means get real doesn’t it? It’s going to be a fight to just get through the door in these tough times, let alone bag a job. Ok, forget facebook (2facedbook as I sometimes call it) I need facetime – and linkedin? Yes, I am gathering connections but lunchedin is more like it – I’m back from the brink and nearly recovered from the flu so it’s time to get myself around town and hustling for some job opportunities through my true and trusted friends. Yesterday left a bad taste in my mouth with regard to my untouched CV on the desk of a certain company – I have to get in the driving seat here and not rely on the whims of a recruiter who thinks my eyes are the wrong colour. I just can’t give up either, so I’ve got a 9am meeting with a consultancy tomorrow for interim and permanent work, another one lined up for next year and two ‘socials’ – High Road House for lunch today and Notting Hill drinks do tomorrow and that will be the last gasp before Christmas – I could do with a bloody good laugh as well

…while this all may sound a bit Bridget Jones, I can assure you I don’t wear big knickers or keep a weight diary – this is reality and I have to bring in the dosh and bring up Miniminx to the best of my ability, it’s not easy sometimes but it has big rewards. I’ve worked with many women my age, who married to the job, think of nothing else, I call them the Septic Singles – they are blistering towards working Mums, searing in their ruthlessness and embittered about other people’s happiness (well, not all of them are but it’s a trend…).

Mingling with the munchkins at Miniminx’s Class Christmas party yesterday was hilarious, I even figured a career change to teaching might be a better route…and it’s not the first time I have thought that but I’m too bonkers I think. The naughtiest girl in school does not a disciplinarian make!

When I was job hunting last time, I found I had a price on my head for sale or rent ie. permanent or freelance/contract work. It really made me feel like a piece of property and I can easily compare and contrast the experiences I’ve had with estate agents to the world of recruitment.

While it was a job seekers market back then, the same rules apply in this climate. Some people just don’t give a shit about you and some people do. Needless to say, I’m striking off that particular recruiter, for whatever reason, chemistry? There are people I have met that give you a whole load of spiel and then they never pick up the phone again – and there are others who are great and really committed to the people. I need to find the right people to help me because this is living in a vacuum right now.

Jobs board back up to 783 – weird.

News I’m hearing is that job offers are being retracted, I’ve heard from more than one person, including a recruiter, that people have left great jobs only to be made redundant by the company they are meant to be joining before they’ve even rocked up on the first day. I’ve never heard that in my career before and it’s bloody scary.