Simply put, it’s been an incredulous and fabulous year.

November 29 2008 was the day I clicked ‘publish’ on my first wordpress post. I was amazed I’d even managed to work out how to set up a blog, but compared to what was going on in the world, it was really easy.

I knew from the start of the credit crunch I was heading for a sh*tstorm – working as a contractor for one of the biggest companies in the world, and with a job offer on the table, nothing was set in stone and I became more nervous day by day as the stock markets crashed…an invisible fall out dust was settling across desks, it was suffocating, it was paralysing people, it was as if we were under attack. People mouthed frantically to each other behind the glassed vacuums of ‘private’ offices in a vastly open plan glass space. I took cab rides through the City and the cabbies drove at the suits as if they wanted to mow them down.

This was really shit.

I knew I should look elsewhere and so did everyone else but to no avail. Jobs I went for evaporated, people I knew were sacked by email or text.

I had a ‘war effort’ breakfast with a colleague and by the time we had eaten our scrambled eggs and half drunk our fancy coffee – 40 people were out the door leaving laptops, mobiles, blackberries and thwarted ambition behind.

My Christmas present for 2008 was my P45.

So what?

It’s the frailty of corporate life that makes you question your personal values – who am I without this junk, without this stuff? Who am I without a job, a career, a profession, a hope? Ego no longer plays a part, it’s a great lesson.

So this…

Against all odds, and the backdrop of possibly the worst financial meltdown I’ve seen in my lifetime, I’ve been lucky enough to find a new and exciting way of life that’s helped me to overcome what was initially a hugely daunting prospect.

More to follow…

Take the time Miniminx had a school trip to the beach. With bucket and spade, wearing her very cute stetsun sunhat, carrying a bag with a swimming costume and all the associated beach paraphernalia, we walked to school. She actually skipped and sang ‘The sun had got his hat on.’ all the way. Lovely.

We arrived a bit early and bumped into the head master.

‘Good morning’ big cheesey grins all round.
‘Hello’
‘Do you know where the coach is?’
‘Ummmm, coach? What coach…?’
‘For the trip today, the one for year 3.’
‘Ooooh, the trip.’ at this point I knew something was up
‘It’s next week’ Shit, shit, shit, what an idiot.

I covered my mouth with my hand and feigned coughing as a foil to the hysterical laughter I needed to quell. Two big blue eyes look up at me, one very cute mouth pouts and trembles. Cue big blobby sobs from Miniminx. Cue me cringeing all day at work. Two years later we can laugh about it together (I still laugh about it alone…what a meannie).

And then last month, we got back from Ibiza at midnight with Elizabethan Dress up Day at school in the morning. I got up early and made a paper ruff and dressed Miniminx in her garb. We got to school a few minutes late and had a peek into her classroom.
28 kids in white shirts and grey skirts sat on the carpet looking at the teacher.
Oh bugger….Miniminx gave me a silent howl and cue big blobby sobs.
Double bugger.

‘Ssssssh, they’ll hear you, let’s sneak out and get you home and changed.’

We ran home, I rang the school.

‘There’s no dress up day today, nothing in the diary sorry’

Confounded, I got her back into her uniform and then we hightailed it back to school. We got to the classroom and discovered that it actually was dress up day and the kids were getting changed after lunch. We had that instant Mother-daughter telepathy, locked eyes and shook our heads – the uniform was staying on for the rest of the day! I walked home for a medicinal coffee or four after two hours of behaving like a headless chicken – at least I didn’t have a job to go to.

And now, I’m back in the world of work. It’s a change and days are much more regimented. I woke up this morning to the alarm and got up after another cheeky few minutes sleep. I woke up little sleepyhead Miniminx and started the usual prework pick and pack malarky – lunch box, healthy snack, drinks, swim kit etc. Then I checked the time on my phone – surely it was nearing 8am. It was 6.20am. An extra 100 minutes were a bonus, so I decided (yes, very Doris Day of me) to do some baking. Raspberry and blackberry wheatfree muffins for breakfast and some flapjack for the lunchbox.
I even took a packed lunch to work for myself.
I even managed to get Miniminx in the bath and hairwashed BEFORE school.
With everything shipshape and ahoy, I booked a cab and we were out the door heading to school and Miniminx was ready to rock and roll at breakfast club.

We walked across the sunny playground, we smiled, we chatted. Miniminx waved at her friend. She stopped walking and looked at her friend again who was looking over at us curiously. Then she looked down. And so did I.

The horror.
FLIP FLOPS!!!
FOUR FLIPPING FLIP FLOPS!!!!

We had both forgotten to put shoes on.

Miniminx became hysterical. I mean big sobbing blobs of tears all over my new dress, she was mortified.

‘I’m – wear – ing – flip -flops ! MUMMMMMMMMMMMM’
‘Whoopsy daisy, how did that happen?’
‘I CAN’T GO IN TO SCHOOL LIKE THIS!!!’
‘Darling, it’s too late to go home and change,’
‘I have to go home now’
‘Can’t you wear your PE shoes’
‘I don’t have them at schooooooooooooool’
‘Darling, it’s a genuine mistake, no one will tell you off.’

Into breakfast club we went – it’s like Ministry of Sound in the good old days, but for under 10s – but the poor little thing was inconsolable. We chatted, she calmed down and we said good bye.

I left the playground under a cloud and sporting a tear-stain pattern on my new dress. Shit.

When I picked her up, I asked how she’d got on with the flip flops and she told me she had borrowed someone else’s shoes and a pair of socks and it was all fine in the end.

There were lots of ladies wearing flip flops in the office today. I sat down at my new desk, I looked down at my feet, without a trace of smugness, thinking flip flip, flop flop…where’s the coffee, I’ve done a day’s work already.

The ‘news’ being the result of my interview. Waiting is just the worst thing and especially when your future is a stake, it becomes the kind of wait that makes you clean your house inside out, iron and fold things, generally do anything to distract yourself and keep busy and of course, gaffer tape your mobile to your leg so you don’t miss the ‘call’.

So I heard, and first it was luke warm news but with an exciting twist. Perhaps there was another newly created role which would work for me – would I be interested? I bought into this 100% as it was a far more exciting proposition and I was up on the moon for a while.

As calls came and went, this turned into a red hot fireball which then unexpectedly blew up in my face. So now the cold tap is attached to the garden hose and drenching me so to speak. What a day, and it’s not even 6pm. I’m just plain old keeling over.

Not sure where to turn now. It seems I’m more likely to win the lottery than get a job. I’m going to really, really panic for now and take stock when I’ve calmed down a bit – so probably by tomorrow I’ll be back at it. I had my hopes up and now they’re dashed again.

What’s a girl to do?

Well, I shall be drinking red wine tonight (if the head cold allows) and mouthing along to my karaoke (can’t upset the neighbours can I?).

And tomorrow, as Scarlett says, is another day…and how lucky I went down the garden centre to buy some seeds for a vegetable patch, perhaps they’ll keep us fed over the coming Summer months….

In the days before Christmas, I had a look around the internet for anything discussing single parents alone at Christmas – I looked not once, but many times. What for? So I didn’t feel so alone in my situation and such a social pariah – it made me cringe talking to the other school Mums in the playground, it seemed everyone was set for family time except me so it’s hard not to feel bad about the whole situation. I have one foot in the family camp and the other firmly planted in single life these days and this time of the year is the time it really comes to the fore. This Christmas thing seems to be the last taboo – no matter where I looked or what terms I searched under, there were meagre pickings and no advice available even on mumsnet or chat rooms. I used to really like mumsnet until David Cameron did a webchat for them and that nixed it for me – I can’t help but think of it as smug middle class mumsyish twaddle. I feel on the outside looking in and don’t visit the site anymore – why should politics come in to Motherhood??? Grrrrr….

My big question is why don’t people talk about the effect of post separation life – the 14 day rota that evolves as every other weekend is child-free? Is it just too painful? When I lived in bohemian East London there were more people in my situation, now in the W4 middle class ghetto, I’m the odd one out – career girl/single Mum, not stay at home earth Mother.

A couple of days after Christmas, Miniminx called me and we watched a movie, Tooth, together on the phone which was really funny – I mean the film was funny and we were sharing an experience even though we were miles apart. We missed each other like hell so it was great to get her home finally.

So my thinking on this internet community stuff is that people don’t really connect on things that matter to me. I suppose I should have posted something myself somewhere – it’s always been a heinous thought – how can children be wrenched away from their Mother’s on Christmas day? I remember hearing about Princess Diana spending the day alone without her boys and thinking it was tragic, never for once imagining that would one day be my fate, or as it happens, every other year. But I suppose, I signed up to be a fair parent post break up and ensure Miniminx has a life with her Father so that is that…

Happily I spent time with friends and had a great day and we made up for the day by having our own Christmas when Miniminx came home. Thanks Lucky Voice for a fab birthday – I sang my heart out along with my buddies and it was brilliant.

So it’s all on the up now, the dread has gone – I am free of 2008 and going to the gym every day and looking out for a fab job – but there’s not much about. In the meantime, I have to fill my days which is pretty easy. Miniminx is happy I can pick her up from school everyday. I’ve always found the lull between jobs gets pretty stressful after a while. I had a meeting last week with a recruiter and felt pretty ambivalent about the whole thing – having to grin and bear my situation while selling myself as hard as possible. In reality, the meeting went very well and the recruiter told me the job market never gets going until the second week of January, so hang on in there. So in order to keep my spirits up and feel good, the only way for me is to keep active – Wii fit (well it was Miniminx’s pressie) is getting a look in – and my gym gets to see me more. I’m doing yoga, pilates, running and swimming and lots of walking. Hopefully I’ll see a size-mic shift (ho ho) and all this exercise does help beat the January blues which is no mean feat. I’m still loading up my iPod and heading off to my storage unit this week to dig out years of old CDs which I can rediscover – I’m definitely filling my time with inane mundane stuff which I would never usually do if I was working, but it makes my days meaningful. I’m being more social as well – we’ve struck up a friendship with a family a few doors down which is fab – and meeting new people.

I’ve decided I’m going to try something new every day and today I’m going to create a collage on a giant blank canvas…how poetic.

Guardian Jobs in PR 175
Brandrepublic Jobs Media, Marketing and Comms 2070 jobs, PR jobs 127
PR Weeks Jobs 740
Mad.co.uk PR Jobs 280
Gorkana jobs 310
…and who on earth writes the jobs copy? Check this opportunity flagged as the ‘phenomenal PR explosion in the Middle East‘ who on earth put the that together??? Middle East? Explosions? Ja baby, that’ll really sell this hot job!

3500 jobs to go at Omnicom - you do the maths, lots of people out in the cold

So, a reality check means get real doesn’t it? It’s going to be a fight to just get through the door in these tough times, let alone bag a job. Ok, forget facebook (2facedbook as I sometimes call it) I need facetime – and linkedin? Yes, I am gathering connections but lunchedin is more like it – I’m back from the brink and nearly recovered from the flu so it’s time to get myself around town and hustling for some job opportunities through my true and trusted friends. Yesterday left a bad taste in my mouth with regard to my untouched CV on the desk of a certain company – I have to get in the driving seat here and not rely on the whims of a recruiter who thinks my eyes are the wrong colour. I just can’t give up either, so I’ve got a 9am meeting with a consultancy tomorrow for interim and permanent work, another one lined up for next year and two ‘socials’ – High Road House for lunch today and Notting Hill drinks do tomorrow and that will be the last gasp before Christmas – I could do with a bloody good laugh as well

…while this all may sound a bit Bridget Jones, I can assure you I don’t wear big knickers or keep a weight diary – this is reality and I have to bring in the dosh and bring up Miniminx to the best of my ability, it’s not easy sometimes but it has big rewards. I’ve worked with many women my age, who married to the job, think of nothing else, I call them the Septic Singles – they are blistering towards working Mums, searing in their ruthlessness and embittered about other people’s happiness (well, not all of them are but it’s a trend…).

Mingling with the munchkins at Miniminx’s Class Christmas party yesterday was hilarious, I even figured a career change to teaching might be a better route…and it’s not the first time I have thought that but I’m too bonkers I think. The naughtiest girl in school does not a disciplinarian make!

When I was job hunting last time, I found I had a price on my head for sale or rent ie. permanent or freelance/contract work. It really made me feel like a piece of property and I can easily compare and contrast the experiences I’ve had with estate agents to the world of recruitment.

While it was a job seekers market back then, the same rules apply in this climate. Some people just don’t give a shit about you and some people do. Needless to say, I’m striking off that particular recruiter, for whatever reason, chemistry? There are people I have met that give you a whole load of spiel and then they never pick up the phone again – and there are others who are great and really committed to the people. I need to find the right people to help me because this is living in a vacuum right now.

Jobs board back up to 783 – weird.

News I’m hearing is that job offers are being retracted, I’ve heard from more than one person, including a recruiter, that people have left great jobs only to be made redundant by the company they are meant to be joining before they’ve even rocked up on the first day. I’ve never heard that in my career before and it’s bloody scary.